To Die In Love

I can hardly remember what it's like to fall in love

I could take the good ... and bad
But I couldn't and never could take the good ... to bad
- When the good comes and leaves,
... then becomes a faint memory
And the bad is all that remains, everywhere,... smothering
It's as though, someone gives you a thing so special,
... Only to rip it away

You don't want to believe it
And you lie to yourself
- Thinking the good will come back,
Saying it will come back
- Anything to ease the overwhelming hurt,
Even if only for a few minutes
And you silently plead for the smallest amount of light
- To show itself midst those dark places, where you've sunk
Deep down,... deep as those dark places,
You know it won't ... but you won't admit it
... until, in retrospect

Forgive yourself for pushing away hard, cold reality
Hearts are fragile
We just hope for the best
We ache from loneliness
- So much so, that long after the fact of loss,
We sometimes wonder
... if being alone is better than just accepting the bad,
Knowing that's as good as it would ever be

It is,... and we acknowledge it as quick as we question it

I can hardly remember what it's like to fall in love
But I know what it's like ... to die in love

(c) Kay Irvin

Candles

And I can still see you standing in front of me
Maybe I always will
Maybe it's just one of those things that softly kill

Life, it's what you dream, then what it actually is
Full of kisses and scars
Void the bad with candles of solace, lit like stars

Ominous clouds are brewing outside my window
But I love the thunder
Do you think about me? ... (I have a sick wonder)

And I can still see you standing in front of me
Maybe I always will
Maybe it's one of those things that softly kill

(Disappointments)
My mind wanders
Night is with me
Take my darkness
Please, hold me tight
- while candles burn
(while candles burn)
(while candles burn)

(c) Kay Irvin

Lavender

I believe
Winterplace, crystal dreams

Sky shimmer, snow globe around, above
Lavender icicles, frozen flowers
Everything stopped, there was no love
And every moment felt like hours

Oh, the morrow, seemingly sorrow
Frost-bound ballet,... still, music would play

I believe
Winterplace, crystal dreams

Flurries were falling, shaped broken hearts
Lost rapture, violins, tableau, song
As soon as it ends, again it starts
'Til I danced free, broken glass,... so long

Dance, broken glass,... so long
I believe

Glittering sky,... love left me to die
New love, new day,... please, find me and stay

Love,... please, find me and stay
I believe
I believe

(c) Kay Irvin

Alpha Female

{Manifesto}

I am an Alpha Female ...
- By birth, by blood, by wild heart and by choice
It is your decision to court, accept and have me
I won't bore you with denial of hunt for sacred, kindred match
I will not burden or harness your resolve with coyness or deception
Kindly, show me the same courtesy and don't lie to me or to yourself
- With disingenuous intentions
If your effort or initial curiosity, towards me, wanes,
(Godspeed)
- An abundance of secondary, feminine opportunities for your pursuit
Loved or lone ... will be my outcome,... and to which ... I will adapt

Empower me, enlighten me, encourage me
You can't break me
You won't make me
Enhance my life as a best friend and lover
And I will feel fortunate to have you
May you also have appreciation for me,
- Rather than a mindset of conquer
I can walk away from you ... without hesitation,
- From the start or any moment thereafter, if need be,... then
(Godspeed)... a more compatible and prepared partner for my days

Don't mistake my tenderness with an inability to strike a wicked bite
Don't test my patience
I tire of folly and insincerity quickly
I can sniff it out and smell it a mile away
Should consideration sway towards an abusive nature,...
- Be aware that I abide 'a tooth for a tooth' when mistreated
Gentleness is attractive and inspires a tamer mood

Embrace those I cherish
Treasure them, as I, with equal care
And I will also honor those that keep an endearing circle around you

Protect me from those that would wish or do me harm
Be my hero
Be the sabre at my enemies throat
Belittle and slay them with strength and swiftness
Weaken their attack,
- As fangs would puncture flesh and drain its flourish
Outthink them with the confidence of your affection for me
And I will defend you ... to the death

If we are meant to be,...
- We will remain individuals ... that select a pairing
- Drawn by our differences and braced by our likeness
We will not limit our traits with ultimatums that force change
We will not stray or seek comfort from another
Betrayal is not an option
There will be no other
We understand ... to begin and join creates a vow and bond
Freely give me your fierce loyalty and you can trust in mine

I don't require all of your attention
I only ask to share time with you
Promise unto me a constant, meaningful place, within you, to dwell
Let me rely on you, cry to you, celebrate and feast with you
- Upon the sweetest veins of this world

I do not want receipt of anything, which I am not willing to offer
And my word of truth eliminates temptation
- For possible references to 'standards'
My requests shall be returned, as an echo harkens back in the wind,
And you will be my home, my palace, my mate
You will be my riches beyond wealth
- The desire and devotion, the very fury that will set my soul ablaze
... Forever

If we are meant to be,...
- Let us love, each day, as if there would be no tomorrow
Our unite might just bring about dreams of envy
- For the angels in heaven and the mortals on earth

(c) Kay Irvin

Black Swan

If you compare my all ... to another
You set me up to fail, as your lover
You measure the details, they always lack
Sometimes,... it's a cold, cold, unfair world
Sometimes,... designs go black, go black, go black

Don't lead me on, moody when real life nears
Games are desperate tactics born of fears
Sleepy indecision keeps me at bay
She's gone,... I'm here ... but if you fracture trust
The love I feel will sadly sail away

I'm only getting pieces of you (that won't do)
Pine for her or take this musing love and move on
Wake from your dreams, find bittersweet truth and black swan
Wake from your dreams, find bittersweet truth and black swan

Did you find yourself bittersweet truth and black swan?

(c) Kay Irvin