The Sun Can Betray

It's a sad, sad story
And it happens every day
That which grace loses glory
And how the sun can betray

People ride promises in like a storm
Wreck havoc and blow out on a breeze
Never knowing, never giving a damn
About all the damage that they leave

They see a calm and want its destruction
They see some struggle and want it worse
Everyone else is pushed to rock bottom 
They only worry 'bout being first

It's a sad, sad story
And it happens every day
That which grace loses glory
And how the sun can betray

- Some - gorgeous, drop dead girls, snag a taker
Their guys later complain, there's no care
Femme, bat lash eyes rove out a wandering
Searching out, new lover to ensnare

- Some - bad boys will charm but are unstable
Bad is the word a girl might forget
His hand can turn from tender to heavy
Her wishes trade for bruise and regret

Such bright shining things draw a hopeful heart
Be sure in what it is and what it seems
Love is a fragile gift that when broken
Can be lost and its Soul never redeems

It's a sad, sad story
And it happens every day
That which grace loses glory
And how the sun can betray

© Kay Irvin

And Then There's Honesty

I'm slow to trust
But love too hard
Intense with care
And that can leave a scar
When someone disappears

Want to believe
Hold back, instead
Front with a smile
With chaos in my head
Damage, ruins from the years

If love would fight for me
I would never let go
This much I know

Can't still the pain
Can't kill the past
I get depressed
Can true bond really last?
To me, it's a riddle 

Hope has its guard
Reach has resist
I try to try
But dark places exist
I battle the middle

If love would fight for me
I would never let go
This much I know

© Kay Irvin

Summer Threnody

Summer romance, be what it may
Sun shines down but can never stay
Leaves fall crisp as the ground turns cold
Burgundies sail, magentas sweep
Birds nestle sleep in beds made of gold

Less and less, he might ask about me
But I tell him what he wants to hear
It shows, we're going through the motions
Emotions sear
Time knows his care hasn't been sincere

Seasons move, seasons lose
Sometimes seem lost
As some lovers do
Autumn arias trace
Maybe there's place
To be found
Mid the fall
With a love who can give all
(as I have, as I would)

Sunburst and bright beauty won't last
That first chill in the air sends cast
There's certain bittersweet appeal
When sunlit reverie goes dark
I'd rather part and find something real

More and more, he's not here, by my side
And I accept it's not meant to be
Promises broke and wishes depart
His heart left me
Sure as Summer fades, comes threnody

Seasons move, seasons lose
Sometimes seem lost
As some lovers do
Autumn arias trace
Maybe there's place
To be found
Mid the fall
With a love who can give all
(as I have, as I would)

© Kay Irvin

Cruel Love

And isn't that how it always seems to be;
About the time you start thinking, 'maybe' 
- is about the time they start backing away.

All relationships start with fire and settle some ... but not dwindle so much that an extremely tiny whimper of a spark would seem fascinating.
And especially when a relationship ends before its had a fair chance to begin.

It can cause more than heartbreak,
more accurately - damage, when people come on with intensity but don't mean it.
It isn't that hard for a person to be honest from the start and not lead another on with amorous convictions, when they lack the grit to follow through.

This is the side of love ... that's cruel

© Kay Irvin

The Flowers Have Died

I made you a crown from my future
Burned my past to fight shy of compare
Gave you a garden to palace love
Braved the waywardness you chose to wear

You lamented immortal passion
A ballad-bliss with a poet's breath
But when it was right in front of you
Your indifferent heart bid its death

I would have done anything for you
And I would have draped you in flowers
What could have been - withered to nothing
You wished it away, wasted the hours
(now, the flowers have died)

I built you an altar for romance
Gilt with the splendour of early Spring
But you never placed care or keepsake
You had not an offering to bring

I would have done anything for you
And I would have draped you in flowers
What could have been - withered to nothing
You wished it away, wasted the hours
(now, the flowers have died)

Is it the Melancholy you were after ...
To speak of shattered attempts and how you've cried?
How will those words taste, knowing what you denied?
(now, the flowers have died)
(now, the flowers have died)

© Kay Irvin

Deadfall

If you walk away, don't turn back
I've had enough, given 'til it hurts
I've watched how you change and it's strange
- this stranger who only likes to flirt
(with a spiral of tragedy)

Touch and go, for so long it's been
I can't be the strong one all the time
Love is a convenience for you
- some twisted illusion, depths I climb
(wreckage, I can't take anymore)

When you're high and drinking
- that's when you start thinking,
how much I mean to you
Reality, otherwise, 
with the come down in your eyes,
warns of a deadfall on cue

You should want to be here
but it's clear, you don't want to stay
You can be next to me
but you're a million miles away

© Kay Irvin

Eternal Love

Something in your eyes
I recognize
A place no one understands
Wanting not to stay
(just get away)
But it's all out of your hands

Maybe I cast more of a shadow than of a light
But I swear, I will cradle you on a frozen night
When your fears fall around
And the echoing pain won't subside
These arms will be here, strong for you,
with eternal love

Black diamond gaze
Often a haze
Heavy load atop broken stone
Tremendous sorrow
(Not tomorrow)
You will not face it alone

Maybe I cast more of a shadow than of a light
But I swear, I will cradle you on a frozen night
When your fears fall around
And the echoing pain won't subside
These arms will be here, strong for you,
with eternal love

Lullaby of my heart, beating true
I am here,... always, right here for you,
with eternal love

© Kay Irvin

Dark Side of the Sun

In the hours before dawn 
Fog is rolling 'cross the hills
- Like old ghosts ... but I believe
All turned out, as it should be
I saw you change
I watched you leave

Memories are dangerous
And better left where they are
I wore my heart on my sleeve
Piece by piece, taken from me
Faces did change
I watched them leave

(more than my share of goodbyes)
People come and people go

Dark side of the sun is cold
And its truths are hard to bear
(more than my share ... of goodbyes)
People come and people go
- such a brutal honesty
I saw them change
I watched them leave

I want love ... someone to stay
And not deceive
I too, am a ghost,... haunting
- misty dreams,... will the sun see?

(misty dreams,... will the sun see?)

© Kay Irvin

Promises, Promises

Your schemes caused screams and lucid dreams
Restlessness forced days coursed for grief
Grace me with your presence and thence
You stole sanity like a thief

I should be grateful for the game
I should eat hateful, take the blame
  for all the broken promises,... 
  you made --
Promises, promises

Artificial, sacrificial
Cherry pick how you stick the plunge
Portray martyr, walk on water
You're diamond dealer, I'm too grunge

What miserable life of strife
How tiring, drama without gain
I leave you behind, nil I find
Crux lacks luxe, odious-sartain

I should be grateful for the game
I should eat hateful, take the blame
  for all the broken promises,... 
  you made --
Promises, promises

(broken)
Promises, promises

© Kay Irvin

Ghost Girl

I remember watching people leave
But I had thought intentions would keep
Naïveté can kill over time
Slowly, clearly, as their true stripes creep

And as a twisted vine of ivy,
black thistles of shattered trust did sweep

You promised love, embraced me with care
Then,... walked past me, like I wasn't there
(Ghost Girl) ... 'what a waste and God's mistake'
- I heard you say and I died, inside, 
crumbled with pain, world tumbled to break
(because of the lies)
(there's ghosts in my eyes)

When closeness unraveled to strangers,
heft of their shadows darkened the sky
They never knew me and I not them
How easily they let go but why?

And 'why' rings through my deadfall and stays
- Unanswered call but tears have gone dry

May my torment haunt you, all your days
(Ghost Girl) ... ghosts in her eyes return gaze

© Kay Irvin

Child of God

Your shiny crucifix hangs,
as a meaningful symbol of good
But how you look down on me,
judge and cast me off, misunderstood

You purge, bid my heart to bleed
Forget that I feel and need
Command, tongue-lash like a lightning rod
Left by your insufferable deed
But aren't we all a child of God?
You'd have me broken, kneeling with plead
But aren't we all a child of God?

You quote a book, bound in black
So soon, you condemn my dark repose
Remove love, add pain, mix well
Mind-muck, blend 'til only anger grows

You purge, bid my heart to bleed
Forget that I feel and need
Command, tongue-lash like a lightning rod
Left by your insufferable deed
But aren't we all a child of God?
You'd have me broken, kneeling with plead
But aren't we all a child of God?

Not such pious disciple
You like it too much, worshipping purge
Those dirty, little secrets
- know you're wanton Dom, whip-cracking urge

But aren't we all a child of God?
You'd have me broken, kneeling with plead
But aren't we all a child of God?

Oh, aren't we all a child of God?
Oh, aren't we all a child of God?

(and the Sub will rise up, blood red dawn)

~ side note:
I like 'The Purge' movies, so this was written
in part, from the idea of that ...
But - also from some people, once close to me,
who wear crosses, refer to the bible, prayer or a deity,
and/or attend places of fellowship.

[And I respect all religions and beliefs.
I have love for anyone who has love for me,
irregardless of religious, political, personal,
or any views]

But, as I've said, some people, once close to me, 
choose to live their lives far from their convictions 
and part-time, practicing ways.
I don't respect their lies, gossip and the lustful hurt they like to impose.
In the past, I took the brunt of some of their slams. (not anymore)
We aren't close anymore.
I wouldn't be broken.

© Kay Irvin

Excerpt From A Journal That Was Never Written

Date: None
Time: Zero
Feeling: Dead Inside

I paused and cautiously smiled
Hoping for some caring reassurance
But he was cold and indifferent
... and weakly muttered,
'Where do we go from here?'
I knew in that instance ...
He wasn't capable of living satisfied, (content)
- with just us, with just ... being
I felt my heart sink ...
and the slight, tattered bit of peace,
that I was desperately trying to hold on to,
- drained from my body
I would never be good enough
He would always search for
- something more, something better
I was only a mere stop and stepping stone
... on his way

© Kay Irvin

Oh, That Fragile Care

Care is a funny thing
Both strong and fragile, all at once
The strong care is exquisite
- meaningful and loyal
- beautiful, unconditional, undying
But,... Oh, that fragile care
The fragile care can drain you
No matter how much you love and reach
and try with some people
it seems to only trigger a progression
of them giving less and less
They're mental and emotional takers
They'll come to you, in the guise of friendship,
and string you along,
always with little glimmers of hope
that they want a closeness with you
But over time and by their actions,
you heartbreakingly find out,... they don't
They only take pieces of you
until you've got nothing left
They make you feel like nothing
The fragile care is Hell
and the people who offer it
... will only keep your mind swimming in Hell

© Kay Irvin

in my mind

Bend a lie, it's still a lie (true)
You had to teach me, what life can do

Is this what love is all about ?
Get your way or twist me, inside out

You took my heart and bled it dry
First chance you got, first stab, virgin lie

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

Deception foretold what would be
More vindictive, hurtful falsity

If it was for love,... epic fail
You only taught me long, tragic tale

String up another meat puppet
My eyes shun agenda you covet

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed 
Your - others can eat your pretty lies
Farewell, there was enough I swallowed
And in case a few ... wish I were dead
Too late, I've gone away - in my head

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed 
Your - others can eat your pretty lies
Farewell, there was enough I swallowed
And in case a few ... wish I were dead
Too late, I've gone away - in my head

Can't reach me, can't touch me, can't reach me
(in my mind)
(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed

Can't reach me, can't touch me, can't reach me
(in my mind)
(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed

© Kay Irvin

Whiplash

Push me, pull me
Love me, hate me
Bend my weary bones
To brine agony

Want me, leave me
Keep me in doubt
Twist my heart to knots
Turn me inside out

Make sure I know
You're much to fear
Put me in my place
Make hope disappear

When muscles crack
And veins criss-cross
Broken puppet parts
Will make you the boss

... Superior ...
Gauntlet, blood cuff
Snap my neck around
It's still not enough

Play with my screams
Tighten restrain
Mind pluck me to dust
You get off on pain

Cut the ropes, slice
Shove the hurt back 
Let Karma retort
Let my eyes roll black

Mirror ball view
Look what you've done
Don't whiplash regret
You did it for fun

© Kay Irvin

This was a picture prompt
in a poetry group.

- about;
People that play with someone else's emotions.
They're so focused on themselves,
they forget about someone else's
problems, feelings and point of view.
They twist love and literally leave
another person all knotted up, inside.
Yet, they seem surprised when that person leaves.
Then, they wonder why that person became numb & indifferent.
If you push someone to the point
where they don't care anymore,
don't expect them to stick around
- just to amuse you with how much
you can hurt them.
(what goes around, comes around)

Pinion

It's easy for you ... to breaks hearts
There's always another ... lover in the wings
Waiting for queue
Waiting to ... outdo prior flings

It's easy for you ... to break hearts
Roving eyes, prep mind game for each stepping stone
Moth to a flame
You aim,... claim they won't be alone

Then, you clip ... those beautiful wings
Then, you clip ... those beautiful wings

Promises pant from the heat of the moment
You use love as a drug, lethal and potent
They don't stand a chance and ... Baby, you know it

No doubt, turnabout is fair play
Someone new ... charming you with explicit things
Your private strip
(pinion) Clip ... those beautiful wings

Promises will pant the heat of the moment
Using lust as a drug, lethal and potent
You won't stand a chance and ... Baby, they'll know it

And they'll clip ... your beautiful wings
They will clip ... your beautiful wings
Karma kiss,... Oh, in spades, it stings
And they'll clip ... your beautiful wings
They will clip ... your beautiful wings

© Kay Irvin

Bridges Burn

It's not how I wanted it to be
This pain, this pain of reality
And you are so very far from me
On the other side
And the bridges burn
One by one, lighting your pride
One by one, your backs each turn
And the bridges burn

Once, gathering told a different tale
It was illusion, now fragments sail
As cinders carry, I face the vale
But my tears subside
And the bridges burn
Piece by piece reveals divide
Piece by piece, you ignite spurn
And the bridges burn

Piece by piece reveals divide
But my tears subside
Your ... 'I love yous' ... lied
Pandora's box with many a
- Jekyll and Hyde

(So, I'll be damned if I cry)
Why would I, Oh, why would I?
Your ... 'I love yous' ... lied

© Kay Irvin

Blood Dance

Fire, storm,... I feel it in my bones
Blood dance, awakened, rhythmic tones
And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone

Hunt moves fierce, as a wolverine
Eyes like the Jack-O, Halloween
Watching, stalking among the crowd
Hot-brooding, nearing, thundercloud

Oh, familiar, intimate vibe
Fevered, eager, ravenous tribe
Fire, storm,... I feel it, in my bones
Blood dance, pulsating music groans
And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone

Give me love ... or Baby, dreams become death
Hold me, red nectar kiss, take my darkness
Forsake the rest,... please come, make me forget
This harrowing kept, pain of loneliness

And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone
Blood dance, attraction - your touch owns
Fire, storm,... I feel it in my bones

And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone

© Kay Irvin

Jaded

We become more and more jaded
every time our fragile hearts break
And I stopped being a girl
when I became a woman

No matter what anyone says;
Innocence is truly lost over time
- Little by little and piece by piece 
of those delicate heart-dreams

To the bone-weariness happens out of 
melancholy moments 
- When you lose the love of people, one by one,
that were once (each) a brightness
in a world that can be very dark and troubling

Then, the pitch becomes companion
(a mired down restitution)
But it's something to hold on to
And we all need something to hold on to
Anything ... not to feel alone

© Kay Irvin

Candy Wrapper

I don't want a man, sugar-sweet
Making love a game,... trick, no treat

Don't flirt with the idea of having a relationship with me,
especially for the (unspoken but thought of)
selfish reasoning,... that I'll occupy your amusement
until something better crosses your path

Don't dress romance up, to the nines, using poetic sway
to reference all things delish ... 
- Then, decide to pull back, change the topic, joke off anything
even remotely serious and starve my appetite for affection
until (if/when) you make up your damn mind

Don't make me believe in us having a chance
- Then, pine about some other girl you're not over
I'm not an option for you to keep in limbo,
while you emotionally disconnect from a past partner
We all eventually mention a former boyfriend/girlfriend
but ... I don't want to hear about her,
on and on and yawn and yawn

Forget the gingeryhot, mating ritual if you only plan to
retreat when I actually call your bluff with the grit
to take you up on it

Succulent time will be a waste
If I won't ever get a taste

© Kay Irvin