A Pitiful Shame

Hell hath no fury
But desire knows no mercy
Loyalty knows no end
Like a woman who fiercely loves
And is truly loved in return
You're turning her away
And that's a pitiful shame

Some past woman did you some wrongs
She's gone but you won't let her go
I've tried to be understanding
You're not giving me a place to grow

If you're not talking about her
You pine, she's your uncertain mood
Fear in your eyes, pause of your voice
Where I know thoughts of me score exclude

I want to give love and you a chance
But you're still hung up on what's over
A past lover, who doesn't love you
We're all passing ships, misdirected,
Mixed signals and it's all for nothing
We always end up back here, my Dear,
No one's in love, no one's being loved
(And that's a pitiful shame)

You say you have feelings for me
You sure the Hell don't show it much
Gone when I need, need but refuse
Fade into your own world and lose touch

It's not as though I'm unshattered
You should be strength for me but - no
For too long, I've been strong for two
And I'm through propping up your ego

Time dies, I won't wait to be loved
I'm not a filler for your ex,
Not a showmance, while your wounds purge,
Not a way station for what comes next

I want to give love and you a chance
But you're still hung up on what's over
A past lover, who doesn't love you
We're all passing ships, misdirected,
Mixed signals and it's all for nothing
We always end up back here, my Dear,
No one's in love, no one's being loved
(And that's a pitiful shame)

When I'm gone, will you cry out my name,
Beat your chest and curse your ragged heart,
Languish as you've done for your old flame,
Who crept your nerve and kept us apart?

Somehow, I bet it won't be the same
You didn't invest yourself in me
(And Baby, that's a pitiful shame)
When I'm gone, will you cry out my name?

Hell hath no fury
But desire knows no mercy
Loyalty knows no end
Like a woman who fiercely loves
And is truly loved in return
You're turning her away
And that's a pitiful shame

© Kay Irvin

The Damned

It was a beautiful dream
But it was taken away
People aren't what they seem
- just passing through without stay

A nothing love, a thousand sunsets
Ghostly memories of silhouettes
- Oh, they taunt and beckon for the damned

And when the room draws empty
Bitter honesty is known
It's better than being with another
Who wears a lie and makes you feel alone

Pirouettes and masquerade
Moving poetry, melodies glide
Though the outcome is unswayed
When the mask falls, you see what's inside

And when the room draws empty
Bitter honesty is known
It's better than being with another
Who wears a lie and makes you feel alone

A nothing love, a thousand sunsets
Ghostly memories of silhouettes
- Oh, they taunt and beckon for the damned

© Kay Irvin

Dark Side of the Sun

In the hours before dawn 
Fog is rolling 'cross the hills
- Like old ghosts ... but I believe
All turned out, as it should be
I saw you change
I watched you leave

Memories are dangerous
And better left where they are
I wore my heart on my sleeve
Piece by piece, taken from me
Faces did change
I watched them leave

(more than my share of goodbyes)
People come and people go

Dark side of the sun is cold
And its truths are hard to bear
(more than my share ... of goodbyes)
People come and people go
- such a brutal honesty
I saw them change
I watched them leave

I want love ... someone to stay
And not deceive
I too, am a ghost,... haunting
- misty dreams,... will the sun see?

(misty dreams,... will the sun see?)

© Kay Irvin

Ghost Girl

I remember watching people leave
But I had thought intentions would keep
Naïveté can kill over time
Slowly, clearly, as their true stripes creep

And as a twisted vine of ivy,
black thistles of shattered trust did sweep

You promised love, embraced me with care
Then,... walked past me, like I wasn't there
(Ghost Girl) ... 'what a waste and God's mistake'
- I heard you say and I died, inside, 
crumbled with pain, world tumbled to break
(because of the lies)
(there's ghosts in my eyes)

When closeness unraveled to strangers,
heft of their shadows darkened the sky
They never knew me and I not them
How easily they let go but why?

And 'why' rings through my deadfall and stays
- Unanswered call but tears have gone dry

May my torment haunt you, all your days
(Ghost Girl) ... ghosts in her eyes return gaze

© Kay Irvin

Kalopsia

We were new, love was new
You couldn't get enough of me
I couldn't get enough of you
Effort, interaction
You were interested (briefly)
Charade, well played, laid-attraction

I was beautiful
Everything was beautiful
A beautiful lie

Change, turn, spoil, sour
Your mood sped from adore to hate 
Don't fumble excuse, kill the hour
Out of my misery
You suck the air from every room
Like a vampire (would-be)
(no mystery ... or stamina ) 

Oh, how I wanted to believe
Oh, how I wanted to believe

You were beautiful
Everything was beautiful
A beautiful lie

Someone else became exquisite
Your sudden, new, favorite high 
More beautiful than you and I  
A beautiful lie

You live a pattern of cold, flaccid imagination
Selling momentary beautification (oh, of love)
A beautiful lie

(what it takes to get someone ... is what it takes to keep them)

© Kay Irvin

Oblivion

Unseen, unheard, you have unblessed
Uncare, undo, unfeel, take back
And I, spun to numb netherworld
Chasms of fire, unloved to black

I am a ghost, most broken soul
Hard reality delivers
Only few fragments spiral down
Gyring, abysmal slivers

Low, the Hell is vexed far from blaze
Ungrace, unaccept, Stygian
Every dream bids nightmare scream
Mid mind-bending oblivion

I am a ghost, dead to your life
We unbelong, unshare, unbond
What jagged shards are memories
Unwanted, unmattering,... gone

Flames do not surge upon a lake
Heart-whole purge was fatal mistake
I am condemned, this realm won't wake
Sunless, moonless and no unbreak
(and no unbreak, and no unbreak)

© Kay Irvin

Contrary

I swore I would not go back
To what once was
Love lost
Accepting a tepid rose
Only to watch it wither on the vine
There's line
I've drawn for self promises

80 to 10 m.p.h
Oh, think again
Our long conversations have ...
Come to an end
Stamina, you're not engaged
I'm contrary
And you've got nothing but lax to defend

Frustrated by defiance
Met your cool match
Love lost
Your would-be conquer has flaws
That imperfection proves to serve me well
Do tell
Challenge to your idle heart

80 to 10 m.p.h
Oh, think again
Our long conversations have ...
Come to an end
Stamina, you're not engaged
I'm contrary
And you've got nothing but lax to defend

There's settling but I won't tolerate
Boredom and vacancy, where you could try
(Goodbye ... Now, love lost ... Goodbye)

(c) Kay Irvin

To Die In Love

I can hardly remember what it's like to fall in love

I could take the good ... and bad
But I couldn't and never could take the good ... to bad
- When the good comes and leaves,
... then becomes a faint memory
And the bad is all that remains, everywhere,... smothering
It's as though, someone gives you a thing so special,
... Only to rip it away

You don't want to believe it
And you lie to yourself
- Thinking the good will come back,
Saying it will come back
- Anything to ease the overwhelming hurt,
Even if only for a few minutes
And you silently plead for the smallest amount of light
- To show itself midst those dark places, where you've sunk
Deep down,... deep as those dark places,
You know it won't ... but you won't admit it
... until, in retrospect

Forgive yourself for pushing away hard, cold reality
Hearts are fragile
We just hope for the best
We ache from loneliness
- So much so, that long after the fact of loss,
We sometimes wonder
... if being alone is better than just accepting the bad,
Knowing that's as good as it would ever be

It is,... and we acknowledge it as quick as we question it

I can hardly remember what it's like to fall in love
But I know what it's like ... to die in love

(c) Kay Irvin

Live With This

I wanted to light a candle for you
Instead, for love, I lit two
For your heart's return
For your soul to yearn
As once was
Then I watched the pillars burn
(to darkness)

I waited for you but you let me down
You were somewhere on the town
In the bustling lies
With the hustling eyes
As you wish
And I said quiet goodbyes
(final time)
(unrequited)

Tomorrow will come but I won't be here
It's my turn to disappear
And you can wonder and you can hunger
For what you had,... when it's gone
(feel ... unacknowledged,... settled on)
For what you had,... what you'll miss
(feel ... unsatisfied,... live with this)
Live with this

(c) Kay Irvin

Love Blues

Time had froze over, dimmed by fears
Many, many depressing tears
If you could hear me now, you'd laugh
- With an icy expression cross your face
I gave way too much, like a fool
Love blues, paid my dues, you lived to be cruel
(love blues, paid my dues, your love lived to be cruel)

I've grown wiser with soulful eyes
Seen some youth go ... on you, unwise
You won't ever hurt me again
I could never be enough, good enough
I tried way too hard, like a fool
Love blues, paid my dues, you lived to be cruel
(love blues, paid my dues, your love lived to be cruel)

I'm done (wishing for caring views)
Chiseled out, sculptured as I choose
Sooooo ... moving on (learn), note to self
Don't find you in anyone else
I've wept my last, it thaws a pool
Tears at my feet, I wasn't only fool
You threw me away, Winter heart, too cool
Love blues, when alive ... your love lived to be cruel

Love blues
I'm done, I'm done
Let it be the past
Love blues
I'm done, I'm done
Let it be the last
Love blues

(c) Kay Irvin

Dahlia Lullaby

Oh, out of sight, out of mind
No, I never had a chance
And I leave it all behind
Parting the past and future
To an orange tinseled sky
Loops of tangerine go down
Low, dejected thoughts must have their say
They did today ... and ... they did today

I'm sorry for believing
I'm sorry for young ideas
Blind love can waste perceiving
For selfishness, then repent
My discipline follows me
Hollowing ambitions hang
Floating, as wistful clouds stray
To an orange tinseled sky
Loops of tangerine go down
Low, dejected thoughts must have their say
They did today ... and ... they did today

You never knew me at all
What a sadness to defy
I uplift and free this carry
Floating, as wistful clouds stray
To an orange tinseled sky
Loops of tangerine go down
Low, dejected thoughts must have their say
They did today ... and ... they did today

(Goodnight, may conclusion ease heartache)
(Goodnight, may new dreaming mend with make)

(c) Kay Irvin

- - Remembering a day & sky burst
With a setting sun, like an orange Dahlia
~ Written for:
Elizabeth Short - The Black Dahlia
(July 29, 1924 - January 15, 1947)
Ms. Elizabeth Short was murdered and found not far
From the Hollywood sign of tinseltown.
Also written for:
Lost hopes of youth, heartbreak, the mistakes over time,
Dissolved relationship(s)

Music Box

Time is haunting and soft
Past is misty memory
I think what lingers loft
Carries very heart of me

I only wanted love
I hoped my wait was enough
Maybe I asked too much
And the music box echoes down the lane
Slowly playing with the rain
(wash away the pain, wash away the pain)

Days just don't feel quite right
Afternoons keep weary stream
Dusk taps to empty night
I can't find awake or dream

I only wanted love
I hoped my wait was enough
Maybe I asked too much
And the music box echoes down the lane
Slowly playing with the rain
(wash away the pain, wash away the pain)

I think what lingers loft
Carries very heart of me
And the music box echoes down the lane
Slowly playing with the rain

(c) Kay Irvin