Dans le Noir

Picture perfect, hands entwined
Desires that hunger, that feed
Broad strokes, as we, undefined
Still doesn't cease want and need

Scarlet sunsets dim, gray drips
Noir sceneries flood my eyes
And too soon our fingertips
Slip their last, vast into whys

Your cold words tattooed 'cross my heart
Indelible and deep but not as deep
As the words that were never said
There's no going back, there's no where to run
When life unfolds love and madness
I can't escape, these tormented thoughts shred
What kept me alive, now inscribed
(the hurt is done)

Profound disillusion preys
I haven't the will to face
It's crumbling, tumbling and weighs
Oh, its downcast won't erase

I want to scream, make you feel
Rally up rage, wake your view
To have you know just how real
This love bestowed unto you

(But now, what good would it do?)

Your cold words tattooed 'cross my heart
Indelible and deep but not as deep
As the words that were never said
There's no going back, there's no where to run
When life unfolds love and madness
I can't escape, these tormented thoughts shred
What kept me alive, now inscribed
(the hurt is done)

It's all too late
Our time has passed
My world has crashed
(into the dark)

© Kay Irvin

Black Tears

These black tears welling, are they vain?
Tell me, again, about ... years from now
Let me believe just for a while
And then,... I'll get over it somehow

You're hurting me, confusing me
Calling me, 'Angel', talking of love
While saying you're not over her
And that makes me feel, I'm not enough
(a nothing, offering)

Black tears, black wings, black eyes, black Soul
You control ... how deep the cut goes
With every touch, (unsung), like a razor
And stinging edges of an unhad kiss
I give of myself, support and strength
My love bleeds, I want to be your needs
But I know you wish it was her
(I know you wish it was her)
(I know you wish it was her)

You've obtained the all consuming
You've had bright, wild hearts and settled throne
I've never been the precious Queen
Those things, those things, I have never known
(more nothing, gutwrenching)

My past only knew a few hims
When darkness claimed with everything numb
Oh, I've waited to hear your words
And I never really thought they'd come

My love bleeds, I want to be your needs
But I know you wish it was her
(I know you wish it was her)
(I know you wish it was her)

If you held me, I'd cry
And you'd ask me why
I'd say, 'a lifetime'
(you may be my last try)

Your Angel, black tears, black wings
But I know you wish it was her
(I know you wish it was her)
(I know you wish it was her)

© Kay Irvin

The Flowers Have Died

I made you a crown from my future
Burned my past to fight shy of compare
Gave you a garden to palace love
Braved the waywardness you chose to wear

You lamented immortal passion
A ballad-bliss with a poet's breath
But when it was right in front of you
Your indifferent heart bid its death

I would have done anything for you
And I would have draped you in flowers
What could have been - withered to nothing
You wished it away, wasted the hours
(now, the flowers have died)

I built you an altar for romance
Gilt with the splendour of early Spring
But you never placed care or keepsake
You had not an offering to bring

I would have done anything for you
And I would have draped you in flowers
What could have been - withered to nothing
You wished it away, wasted the hours
(now, the flowers have died)

Is it the Melancholy you were after ...
To speak of shattered attempts and how you've cried?
How will those words taste, knowing what you denied?
(now, the flowers have died)
(now, the flowers have died)

© Kay Irvin

Eternal Love

Something in your eyes
I recognize
A place no one understands
Wanting not to stay
(just get away)
But it's all out of your hands

Maybe I cast more of a shadow than of a light
But I swear, I will cradle you on a frozen night
When your fears fall around
And the echoing pain won't subside
These arms will be here, strong for you,
with eternal love

Black diamond gaze
Often a haze
Heavy load atop broken stone
Tremendous sorrow
(Not tomorrow)
You will not face it alone

Maybe I cast more of a shadow than of a light
But I swear, I will cradle you on a frozen night
When your fears fall around
And the echoing pain won't subside
These arms will be here, strong for you,
with eternal love

Lullaby of my heart, beating true
I am here,... always, right here for you,
with eternal love

© Kay Irvin

Dark Side of the Sun

In the hours before dawn 
Fog is rolling 'cross the hills
- Like old ghosts ... but I believe
All turned out, as it should be
I saw you change
I watched you leave

Memories are dangerous
And better left where they are
I wore my heart on my sleeve
Piece by piece, taken from me
Faces did change
I watched them leave

(more than my share of goodbyes)
People come and people go

Dark side of the sun is cold
And its truths are hard to bear
(more than my share ... of goodbyes)
People come and people go
- such a brutal honesty
I saw them change
I watched them leave

I want love ... someone to stay
And not deceive
I too, am a ghost,... haunting
- misty dreams,... will the sun see?

(misty dreams,... will the sun see?)

© Kay Irvin

Promises, Promises

Your schemes caused screams and lucid dreams
Restlessness forced days coursed for grief
Grace me with your presence and thence
You stole sanity like a thief

I should be grateful for the game
I should eat hateful, take the blame
  for all the broken promises,... 
  you made --
Promises, promises

Artificial, sacrificial
Cherry pick how you stick the plunge
Portray martyr, walk on water
You're diamond dealer, I'm too grunge

What miserable life of strife
How tiring, drama without gain
I leave you behind, nil I find
Crux lacks luxe, odious-sartain

I should be grateful for the game
I should eat hateful, take the blame
  for all the broken promises,... 
  you made --
Promises, promises

(broken)
Promises, promises

© Kay Irvin

Ghost Girl

I remember watching people leave
But I had thought intentions would keep
Naïveté can kill over time
Slowly, clearly, as their true stripes creep

And as a twisted vine of ivy,
black thistles of shattered trust did sweep

You promised love, embraced me with care
Then,... walked past me, like I wasn't there
(Ghost Girl) ... 'what a waste and God's mistake'
- I heard you say and I died, inside, 
crumbled with pain, world tumbled to break
(because of the lies)
(there's ghosts in my eyes)

When closeness unraveled to strangers,
heft of their shadows darkened the sky
They never knew me and I not them
How easily they let go but why?

And 'why' rings through my deadfall and stays
- Unanswered call but tears have gone dry

May my torment haunt you, all your days
(Ghost Girl) ... ghosts in her eyes return gaze

© Kay Irvin

Child of God

Your shiny crucifix hangs,
as a meaningful symbol of good
But how you look down on me,
judge and cast me off, misunderstood

You purge, bid my heart to bleed
Forget that I feel and need
Command, tongue-lash like a lightning rod
Left by your insufferable deed
But aren't we all a child of God?
You'd have me broken, kneeling with plead
But aren't we all a child of God?

You quote a book, bound in black
So soon, you condemn my dark repose
Remove love, add pain, mix well
Mind-muck, blend 'til only anger grows

You purge, bid my heart to bleed
Forget that I feel and need
Command, tongue-lash like a lightning rod
Left by your insufferable deed
But aren't we all a child of God?
You'd have me broken, kneeling with plead
But aren't we all a child of God?

Not such pious disciple
You like it too much, worshipping purge
Those dirty, little secrets
- know you're wanton Dom, whip-cracking urge

But aren't we all a child of God?
You'd have me broken, kneeling with plead
But aren't we all a child of God?

Oh, aren't we all a child of God?
Oh, aren't we all a child of God?

(and the Sub will rise up, blood red dawn)

~ side note:
I like 'The Purge' movies, so this was written
in part, from the idea of that ...
But - also from some people, once close to me,
who wear crosses, refer to the bible, prayer or a deity,
and/or attend places of fellowship.

[And I respect all religions and beliefs.
I have love for anyone who has love for me,
irregardless of religious, political, personal,
or any views]

But, as I've said, some people, once close to me, 
choose to live their lives far from their convictions 
and part-time, practicing ways.
I don't respect their lies, gossip and the lustful hurt they like to impose.
In the past, I took the brunt of some of their slams. (not anymore)
We aren't close anymore.
I wouldn't be broken.

© Kay Irvin

Oh, That Fragile Care

Care is a funny thing
Both strong and fragile, all at once
The strong care is exquisite
- meaningful and loyal
- beautiful, unconditional, undying
But,... Oh, that fragile care
The fragile care can drain you
No matter how much you love and reach
and try with some people
it seems to only trigger a progression
of them giving less and less
They're mental and emotional takers
They'll come to you, in the guise of friendship,
and string you along,
always with little glimmers of hope
that they want a closeness with you
But over time and by their actions,
you heartbreakingly find out,... they don't
They only take pieces of you
until you've got nothing left
They make you feel like nothing
The fragile care is Hell
and the people who offer it
... will only keep your mind swimming in Hell

© Kay Irvin

in my mind

Bend a lie, it's still a lie (true)
You had to teach me, what life can do

Is this what love is all about ?
Get your way or twist me, inside out

You took my heart and bled it dry
First chance you got, first stab, virgin lie

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

Deception foretold what would be
More vindictive, hurtful falsity

If it was for love,... epic fail
You only taught me long, tragic tale

String up another meat puppet
My eyes shun agenda you covet

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed 
Your - others can eat your pretty lies
Farewell, there was enough I swallowed
And in case a few ... wish I were dead
Too late, I've gone away - in my head

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed 
Your - others can eat your pretty lies
Farewell, there was enough I swallowed
And in case a few ... wish I were dead
Too late, I've gone away - in my head

Can't reach me, can't touch me, can't reach me
(in my mind)
(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed

Can't reach me, can't touch me, can't reach me
(in my mind)
(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed

© Kay Irvin

Pinion

It's easy for you ... to breaks hearts
There's always another ... lover in the wings
Waiting for queue
Waiting to ... outdo prior flings

It's easy for you ... to break hearts
Roving eyes, prep mind game for each stepping stone
Moth to a flame
You aim,... claim they won't be alone

Then, you clip ... those beautiful wings
Then, you clip ... those beautiful wings

Promises pant from the heat of the moment
You use love as a drug, lethal and potent
They don't stand a chance and ... Baby, you know it

No doubt, turnabout is fair play
Someone new ... charming you with explicit things
Your private strip
(pinion) Clip ... those beautiful wings

Promises will pant the heat of the moment
Using lust as a drug, lethal and potent
You won't stand a chance and ... Baby, they'll know it

And they'll clip ... your beautiful wings
They will clip ... your beautiful wings
Karma kiss,... Oh, in spades, it stings
And they'll clip ... your beautiful wings
They will clip ... your beautiful wings

© Kay Irvin

Bridges Burn

It's not how I wanted it to be
This pain, this pain of reality
And you are so very far from me
On the other side
And the bridges burn
One by one, lighting your pride
One by one, your backs each turn
And the bridges burn

Once, gathering told a different tale
It was illusion, now fragments sail
As cinders carry, I face the vale
But my tears subside
And the bridges burn
Piece by piece reveals divide
Piece by piece, you ignite spurn
And the bridges burn

Piece by piece reveals divide
But my tears subside
Your ... 'I love yous' ... lied
Pandora's box with many a
- Jekyll and Hyde

(So, I'll be damned if I cry)
Why would I, Oh, why would I?
Your ... 'I love yous' ... lied

© Kay Irvin

Blood Dance

Fire, storm,... I feel it in my bones
Blood dance, awakened, rhythmic tones
And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone

Hunt moves fierce, as a wolverine
Eyes like the Jack-O, Halloween
Watching, stalking among the crowd
Hot-brooding, nearing, thundercloud

Oh, familiar, intimate vibe
Fevered, eager, ravenous tribe
Fire, storm,... I feel it, in my bones
Blood dance, pulsating music groans
And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone

Give me love ... or Baby, dreams become death
Hold me, red nectar kiss, take my darkness
Forsake the rest,... please come, make me forget
This harrowing kept, pain of loneliness

And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone
Blood dance, attraction - your touch owns
Fire, storm,... I feel it in my bones

And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone

© Kay Irvin

Oblivion

Unseen, unheard, you have unblessed
Uncare, undo, unfeel, take back
And I, spun to numb netherworld
Chasms of fire, unloved to black

I am a ghost, most broken soul
Hard reality delivers
Only few fragments spiral down
Gyring, abysmal slivers

Low, the Hell is vexed far from blaze
Ungrace, unaccept, Stygian
Every dream bids nightmare scream
Mid mind-bending oblivion

I am a ghost, dead to your life
We unbelong, unshare, unbond
What jagged shards are memories
Unwanted, unmattering,... gone

Flames do not surge upon a lake
Heart-whole purge was fatal mistake
I am condemned, this realm won't wake
Sunless, moonless and no unbreak
(and no unbreak, and no unbreak)

© Kay Irvin

Fangs

Oh, maybe I won't name names
But I'll use two quills as fangs
Perhaps a smidge, yin and yang
Bright, white page with night, ink stain
Bloodwell drops, penned sorrows rain
Sweeter morrows, be my gain
Light and dark, come kill the pain

© Kay Irvin

Compass

Black cloud towering me
Powdering down, through my bones
What are the knowns ... for those souls
- Discerning glass houses,
Where they cunningly throw stones

Some make their own screwed-up world
Strange gravity held my compass
But I don't want to be a part
(of that existence)
Oh, with my bare hands
- Punch a hole in the atmosphere
Settle the quiet, distant star
See everyone for what they are
Have it all ... made clear
Let go ... of all those
... that don't give a damn
Hold tight to the dear
And they hold me back
(would the sky stay black?)
(would shadow cast,... disparaging?)

Unsettled, uneasy
My thoughts weave twisted branches
Turmoil, my life matches
Will my mind ever rest?
- Peace say,... what are the chances?

Some make their own screwed-up world
Strange gravity held my compass
But I don't want to be a part
(of that existence)
Oh, with my bare hands
- Punch a hole in the atmosphere
Settle the quiet, distant star
See everyone for what they are
Have it all ... made clear
Let go ... of all those
... that don't give a damn
Hold tight to the dear
And they hold me back
(would the sky stay black?)
(would shadow cast,... disparaging?)

Love, come fight for me
Hold me together
While I fall apart
Love, take confusion
- From this odyssey
Banish the cracks that threaten end

(c) Kay Irvin

Moonchild

Burnin' heart, blue fire, sapphire deep
(Still waters?) - not hardly,... but hard currents
Pressed doubt, push and pull, the climb out is steep
Spat upon a rock, empty dock, nighthawk
(Shell-shocked, through and through)

How low ... must I go,
... grieve enough, (paralyzed) - by you?
How high ... must I fly,
... leave, (the ostracized) - soar anew?
Because I'm not given the choice for belonging

Black ice eyes, wiser in reprise, yeah tense
'Cause some feel, need to slam ya down a peg
- Then say 'lighten up',... good luck finding sense
They're extreme, silence or scream, no between
(Their way or nothing)

How low ... must I go,
... grieve enough, (paralyzed) - by you?
How high ... must I fly,
... leave, (the ostracized) - soar anew?
Because I'm not given the choice for belonging

(c) Kay Irvin

Love Hard

Stitch on, stitch a reason why
I should stay, not say goodbye
You give me little to hold onto
I love hard, give all,... until I break
All for naught, dying love's sake

Stitch please, stitch sorry with salt
I've been tested to a fault
My tears are worth more than last ditch words
Hook and patch won't save the split that's torn
You snag at excuse, fistful of thorn

And I should go to pieces
Let end begin
Fail releases
Crisp light
Silver lining, shining in

(c) Kay Irvin

Candles

And I can still see you standing in front of me
Maybe I always will
Maybe it's just one of those things that softly kill

Life, it's what you dream, then what it actually is
Full of kisses and scars
Void the bad with candles of solace, lit like stars

Ominous clouds are brewing outside my window
But I love the thunder
Do you think about me? ... (I have a sick wonder)

And I can still see you standing in front of me
Maybe I always will
Maybe it's one of those things that softly kill

(Disappointments)
My mind wanders
Night is with me
Take my darkness
Please, hold me tight
- while candles burn
(while candles burn)
(while candles burn)

(c) Kay Irvin

No One, Nothing

Your sharp judgement can wield like a knife
Now, it doesn't apply to my life
I'm no one, nothing

Your blame has selective memory
Your love draped a black veil over me
No one, nothing

You made a choice, decided I'm not here
Banished, dead from your world, it's done
I'm nothing, no one
And no,... I won't let you have it both ways
Beckon me back for more hurt, stabbing
I'm no one, nothing

Your mood can feel like a block of ice
I would care but I'm all out of nice
No one, nothing

Your blame has selective memory
Your love draped a black veil over me
No one, nothing

Don't you see?
(no one, nothing)
(no one, nothing)

(c) Kay Irvin