Black Sheep

The outcast, the outsider ... looking in
You're blessed, I am poison
Pushed away to beg scraps at the fringes
Sour tinges

You position yourself for gratitude
You're a dear one, subdued
Gossiping behind everyone's back
Comments crack

Strange, peculiar but snaps summon ... I'm called
You're gold, I am blackballed
I wanted to please you and you used that
Mock is chat
(spreading like wildfire)

Pretty lies ... I collected
I wanted to believe them
I filled them deep in my heart
And dressed up disappointment
Pretending your loyalty
Pretty lies ... I told myself
Divide ripped reverie apart
And I gathered splintered dreams
But everything scattered
Shattered so cruel, you're too cool
For a loser's emptiness
You made me feel like nothing
(Don't be shy, aren't you proud?)

I embrace not belonging
My acceptance screams nothing
Your excuses mean nothing
I was never good enough
And that barren, brutal truth
Is gut-wrenching nothingness

For so long, this lost soul had no reply
For so long, this reject let snide jab by
This freak at last speaks to let the pent up go
You seem surprised how much pain overflows

Hypocrisy and betrayal (you reap it)
You can keep it, I won't be hurt (anymore)
You use judgement to vent your own frustration
Reasoning via misfit vindication

I'm the wolf, raged, uncaged while you stay fenced
I'm the rock you broke your sorrows against
When you did whisper ... "What a waste, what a shame"
Damned at best is ironic, darkly name

I am the anthem of anger
Silence is dead, I rant your telltale spite
Drag your intentions to the light and out
Lift your soft rumors right up to clear shout
You're sweet, the rose red, I am wretched thorn
I am the black sheep, I will not conform

Nothingness
But I was here
(I was here)

(c) Kay Irvin