Jigsaw

Many people remember the
exact moment in their lives,
when there was a change,
... a defragmentation

I remember the time frame

Everything changed
and my life crumbled around me
It was a steady stream of
mistakes
and hurt
and a sickening heartache
It was a loss of better judgement
and a gain of rougher edges
... and sometimes a numbness
(which I've dreamt ... to escape)

I lost my identity inside other people
... people I wanted to trust
I struggled to find acceptance
But that time frame marked
the beginning of
slow goodbyes
silent tears
and overwhelming depression
(where no one knew
and no one would care if they did)

I kept
going
pushing myself
hoping
reaching
compromising
giving up
dying
Those who I tried to cling to
... didn't want to hold me back
We fell apart, they slipped away

The sad, plain, damn truth is that
- too many times, I felt alone
We have to rebuild,... don't we?
- Pick up the pieces -
Make sense of it,... start over

I'm a jigsaw
whose pieces don't always fit
But I'm making the effort to try again
I've more than paid for my mistakes
And I've been tormented long enough
by those who would wish nothing more
than to stack my puzzlement with
more confusion
upon more sorrow
upon more Hell

I want to taste this life (without caveat)
- find some carefree hours of
quiet
stillness
and rest
... where I know that everything's okay
Safe
warm
wanted
But strong with its resolution of lasting
And ... I want love that won't ever leave