Bottle of Sun

There's a gun to my heart, held by your love
I'm frozen as Winter
And if the shot rings I know my dreams will shatter
Like icicles breaking, out to the beyond
All will be gone ... if you turn me away
Close to you is where I must stay

Around the corner
Down the street
Outside your house
And at your feet
I'll always be near

Within the silence
Under your bed
Above the noise
Inside your head
I'll always be here

Life doesn't make sense but why can't we?
My blood runs cold and I need your light
My world is night
A dark existence
Nothing eases this pain but to see your face
(when you smile)
I'm beguiled
And don't want this feeling to leave

Am I wrong, to say you're mine?
(in my mind, you are mine)
Maybe your answer is something I shouldn't know
Then our bond will never let go
Behind this wall of ice
I see the warmth of your eyes
Like a bottle of sun
And I won't share you with anyone

Around the corner
Down the street
Outside your house
And at your feet
I'll always be near

Within the silence
Under your bed
Above the noise
Inside your head
I'll always be here

© Kay Irvin

-- a little Vampire-Stalker lyrics
for the soon Autumn/Halloween season

Crystalline

Star child, something in your eyes that shine
Long ago, once as mine, crystalline
But life took it away (gone away)

So many footsteps
So many teardrops
Oh, the confusion
Asking when it stops

Just a soft, slow place
Home that resonates
Time heals but time kills
Our story creates

Star child, something in your eyes that shine
Long ago, once as mine, crystalline
But life took it away (gone away)

Wanting some beauty
Tethered with anchor
And 'neath all that weight
Also tows anger

Like wearing thistles
It's a bloody mess
Dragging destruction
Clouded to digress

Star child, something in your eyes that shine
Long ago, once as mine, crystalline
But life took it away (gone away)

It's a depressing world, someone once said
I think it was me
When the day fell to a night that was dead
A million sorrows played Hell with my head

Star child, something in your eyes that shine
Long ago, once as mine, crystalline
But life took it away (gone away)

We don't always have a choice
We don't always have a voice
But our space makes a difference anyway

© Kay Irvin

Misery Loves Company

I'm his uncompleted sentence
I'm his new, uncommitted thought
-- a pacify for his abandonment
Where another woman left him to rot

He's a whiskey shot from meltdown
He's the implosion in my brain
He says things I've heard before, kiss of death
Sure wreck, volatile, once aboard that train

I'm a convenience, stepping stone
Who gets him farther from his past
And misery loves company
But that perspective won't drain me
Whose magnetism won't pull me
With paradox which won't slay me
(won't be me)

I can see the postwar love
Full-on, vacant deduction
Accurate with hardcore crush
I can see the destruction

I'm his unfinished transition
I'm his similar reflection
-- dark places, swimming among unslept eyes
Stories of betrayal and rejection

He's a whiskey shot from meltdown
He's the implosion in my brain
He says things I've heard before, kiss of death
Sure wreck, volatile, once aboard that train

I can see the postwar love
Full-on, vacant deduction
Accurate with hardcore crush 
I can see the destruction

© Kay Irvin

Liaison

Full, white, satin moon
Hanging high and bright
Owls heard, wings rustle
Presence, out of sight
Heaviness drapes tale
Like a veil that's cut from a black lace night

Oh, his eyes have wandered 
Oh, soft lies have pondered
-- a liaison, which would split us apart 

And I'll hear it in his voice
And I'll smell it on his flesh
And I'll feel it with his hand
-- pulse and tempo as to thresh

Myrrh and cypress burn
And the room grows dense
Music plays, oppressed
As the mood flows tense
All we seek to do
Cues, not without the coil of consequence

Oh, his lust has taken
Oh, love has forsaken
-- a liaison, which would split us apart 

And I'll hear it in his voice
And I'll smell it on his flesh
And I'll feel it with his hand
-- pulse and tempo as to thresh

Oh, time stays unspoken
Oh, gaze not yet broken
But it weighs as it splays 
-- a liaison, which will split us apart 

© Kay Irvin

Autumn Love

Bright romance was a waste of time and cruel
One sided light to catch
One way compromise by its rule
But I refuse to chase

When you've known love to only palace scars
You need someone the same
To open and release the stars
Dark romance, tears, embrace 

Tortured souls with tormented charms
Be welcomed place mid sheltered arms
And within our darkness, we have come home

Autumn eyes, whose changing colors collide
Are seasoned with struggle
Stormy depths to get lost inside
Familiar with refrain

Deep kisses, hungry with a hint to bleed
Are less about the want
And so much more about the need
Unabridged, starved by pain

Tortured souls with tormented charms
Be welcomed place mid sheltered arms
And within our darkness, love has come home

Always outside, while others held the Spring
Always outside, while Summer singe would sting
But now, doors invite us for everything

Tortured souls with tormented charms
Be welcomed place mid sheltered arms
And within our darkness, love has come home

© Kay Irvin

Cerebral Agony Zine

Recently, Dave from Cerebral Agony Zine was kind enough to publish ten of my poems and interview me.
It was a pleasure to speak with him, via email and messaging, and I truly appreciate the time he took to share my poems/lyrics and talk with me.
Dave works very hard to spotlight musicians and writers on his web page (Zine) and promote their work.
Thank you, Dave ...

Sharing the link, here, in this post.
I invite everyone to visit and check it out,
as well as the contributions of other artists.

http://cerebralagonyzine.blogspot.com/2015/08/interview-with-kay-irvin.html?m=1 

Dans le Noir

Picture perfect, hands entwined
Desires that hunger, that feed
Broad strokes, as we, undefined
Still doesn't cease want and need

Scarlet sunsets dim, gray drips
Noir sceneries flood my eyes
And too soon our fingertips
Slip their last, vast into whys

Your cold words tattooed 'cross my heart
Indelible and deep but not as deep
As the words that were never said
There's no going back, there's no where to run
When life unfolds love and madness
I can't escape, these tormented thoughts shred
What kept me alive, now inscribed
(the hurt is done)

Profound disillusion preys
I haven't the will to face
It's crumbling, tumbling and weighs
Oh, its downcast won't erase

I want to scream, make you feel
Rally up rage, wake your view
To have you know just how real
This love bestowed unto you

(But now, what good would it do?)

Your cold words tattooed 'cross my heart
Indelible and deep but not as deep
As the words that were never said
There's no going back, there's no where to run
When life unfolds love and madness
I can't escape, these tormented thoughts shred
What kept me alive, now inscribed
(the hurt is done)

It's all too late
Our time has passed
My world has crashed
(into the dark)

© Kay Irvin

Cecil's Song

Lionheart, my wild friend
Gone to open fields, endless lakes
And though the Heavens weep
Courage forms on the horizon

My friend, I saw your face in the clouds
You closed your eyes and welcomed the breeze
Mane blowing 'cross a majestic sky
I wept with the rain, fell to my knees

Envious shadows crept 
Their hands laid out with blood and chains
Shamed men without honour
But none can take your memory

Now, the storms have meaning
Your freedom roars with the thunder
Your beauty is inside
And your pride surrounds with glory

My friend, I saw your face in the clouds
You closed your eyes and welcomed the breeze
Mane blowing 'cross a majestic sky
I wept with the rain, fell to my knees

Lionheart, hands won't ever harm or reach
Love is with you, walk beside the angels
Go home, go home, go home and be at peace

© Kay Irvin

~ for Cecil the lion

Maze

How is it we've tried for close but end with far?
This and we've hardly challenged the odds to win
Maybe, the middle is where we made a start
Seems passion passed and we never settled in

You know so little, I try but answers bend
Around the corner, then they're gone and I chase
Lost, the hazy night is cold without your tend
No hand to guide, to assure reach and embrace

Shadows fall, hide and seek play beneath faint moon
My eyes are tired, as with every, heavy step
This laden path coils vague but its clear be soon
As exit's shown, its loss leads, none to forget

All I know is this tremendous love I hold
Wanted to give itself, entirely to you
But you wouldn't take, didn't want, didn't need
There's a hole in my heart, where chance could have filled
But whose course would only have this love to bleed

© Kay Irvin

The Gothic Queen

Summertale, take your leave
Winter, make bow before your turn
These Autumnal eyes weave
That fire held deep but now shall burn

Time will haunt, sable gowns reclaim 
Blood red horizons will kiss the skies
Trees will weep tears, as drops of flame
Witches will dance and rapt throne shall rise

Bard and Muse rendering
The lakes will chill and as the breeze
Your body whelms, trembling
Aria speaks - now, to your knees

Haunt will harvest shadows waking 
Apples will rot but hot spice will thrive
Dark pleasures are for the taking
Vampires will hunt, reign shall come alive

Sunny days fled, not to look back
Those unfaithful roses thorned some fools
Gilded irony, edge of black
Whose loyal scepter shall blaze and rules

© Kay Irvin

The Sun Can Betray

It's a sad, sad story
And it happens every day
That which grace loses glory
And how the sun can betray

People ride promises in like a storm
Wreck havoc and blow out on a breeze
Never knowing, never giving a damn
About all the damage that they leave

They see a calm and want its destruction
They see some struggle and want it worse
Everyone else is pushed to rock bottom 
They only worry 'bout being first

It's a sad, sad story
And it happens every day
That which grace loses glory
And how the sun can betray

- Some - gorgeous, drop dead girls, snag a taker
Their guys later complain, there's no care
Femme, bat lash eyes rove out a wandering
Searching out, new lover to ensnare

- Some - bad boys will charm but are unstable
Bad is the word a girl might forget
His hand can turn from tender to heavy
Her wishes trade for bruise and regret

Such bright shining things draw a hopeful heart
Be sure in what it is and what it seems
Love is a fragile gift that when broken
Can be lost and its Soul never redeems

It's a sad, sad story
And it happens every day
That which grace loses glory
And how the sun can betray

© Kay Irvin

Slow Burn

Oh, your words land a sting
I denied what you said
It took awhile to ring
Over and over
Again and again
Telling me everything

In the moment, was numb
Clambering for love's need
Though it would never come
It became surreal
Inevitable
Singe would have me succumb

And there's a slow burn in my heart
I can feel you depart (from me)
How much more time is left?
How long will it be?
You're dragging it out
If you're bound to leave
End this misery (set us free)
Dying love is slow burn

Once, as close as we were
Thought it was forever
Tomorrow, nothing's sure
The hourglass breaks
Sand blows to the wind
Fragments, when love was pure

Oh, your words land a sting
I denied what you said
It took awhile to ring
Over and over
Again and again
Telling me everything

And there's a slow burn in my heart
I can feel you depart (from me)
How much more time is left?
How long will it be?
You're dragging it out
If you're bound to leave 
End this misery (set us free)
Dying love is slow burn

© Kay Irvin

Black Tears

These black tears welling, are they vain?
Tell me, again, about ... years from now
Let me believe just for a while
And then,... I'll get over it somehow

You're hurting me, confusing me
Calling me, 'Angel', talking of love
While saying you're not over her
And that makes me feel, I'm not enough
(a nothing, offering)

Black tears, black wings, black eyes, black Soul
You control ... how deep the cut goes
With every touch, (unsung), like a razor
And stinging edges of an unhad kiss
I give of myself, support and strength
My love bleeds, I want to be your needs
But I know you wish it was her
(I know you wish it was her)
(I know you wish it was her)

You've obtained the all consuming
You've had bright, wild hearts and settled throne
I've never been the precious Queen
Those things, those things, I have never known
(more nothing, gutwrenching)

My past only knew a few hims
When darkness claimed with everything numb
Oh, I've waited to hear your words
And I never really thought they'd come

My love bleeds, I want to be your needs
But I know you wish it was her
(I know you wish it was her)
(I know you wish it was her)

If you held me, I'd cry
And you'd ask me why
I'd say, 'a lifetime'
(you may be my last try)

Your Angel, black tears, black wings
But I know you wish it was her
(I know you wish it was her)
(I know you wish it was her)

© Kay Irvin

And Then There's Honesty

I'm slow to trust
But love too hard
Intense with care
And that can leave a scar
When someone disappears

Want to believe
Hold back, instead
Front with a smile
With chaos in my head
Damage, ruins from the years

If love would fight for me
I would never let go
This much I know

Can't still the pain
Can't kill the past
I get depressed
Can true bond really last?
To me, it's a riddle 

Hope has its guard
Reach has resist
I try to try
But dark places exist
I battle the middle

If love would fight for me
I would never let go
This much I know

© Kay Irvin

Damiana

Her kisses taste like cinnamon
Potent as a brew of devil's cherries
Her perfume smells likes dark Magic
But she's a White Witch
Airy, ethereal 
She's a thousand sunsets
There's nightshade in her eyes
Fire on her flesh
Spells on her lips
And those candy hot thistles from her tongue
Send érotique surge through your every vein

And you'll never be the same
And you'll never be the same
(unfading love)

Pink mist, black velvet words
- "I've missed you,..
Hold me, don't let go"
Wrap up inside every syllable
She's hypnotic
Lyrical champagne
Her gaze is ... the stars ... and 13 moons
Her fingertips are open roses
Wandering, conjuring
As Amaranth candles burn 
That blush smoke etches your name

And you'll never be the same
And you'll never be the same
(unfading love)

© Kay Irvin

Summer Threnody

Summer romance, be what it may
Sun shines down but can never stay
Leaves fall crisp as the ground turns cold
Burgundies sail, magentas sweep
Birds nestle sleep in beds made of gold

Less and less, he might ask about me
But I tell him what he wants to hear
It shows, we're going through the motions
Emotions sear
Time knows his care hasn't been sincere

Seasons move, seasons lose
Sometimes seem lost
As some lovers do
Autumn arias trace
Maybe there's place
To be found
Mid the fall
With a love who can give all
(as I have, as I would)

Sunburst and bright beauty won't last
That first chill in the air sends cast
There's certain bittersweet appeal
When sunlit reverie goes dark
I'd rather part and find something real

More and more, he's not here, by my side
And I accept it's not meant to be
Promises broke and wishes depart
His heart left me
Sure as Summer fades, comes threnody

Seasons move, seasons lose
Sometimes seem lost
As some lovers do
Autumn arias trace
Maybe there's place
To be found
Mid the fall
With a love who can give all
(as I have, as I would)

© Kay Irvin

A Pitiful Shame

Hell hath no fury
But desire knows no mercy
Loyalty knows no end
Like a woman who fiercely loves
And is truly loved in return
You're turning her away
And that's a pitiful shame

Some past woman did you some wrongs
She's gone but you won't let her go
I've tried to be understanding
You're not giving me a place to grow

If you're not talking about her
You pine, she's your uncertain mood
Fear in your eyes, pause of your voice
Where I know thoughts of me score exclude

I want to give love and you a chance
But you're still hung up on what's over
A past lover, who doesn't love you
We're all passing ships, misdirected,
Mixed signals and it's all for nothing
We always end up back here, my Dear,
No one's in love, no one's being loved
(And that's a pitiful shame)

You say you have feelings for me
You sure the Hell don't show it much
Gone when I need, need but refuse
Fade into your own world and lose touch

It's not as though I'm unshattered
You should be strength for me but - no
For too long, I've been strong for two
And I'm through propping up your ego

Time dies, I won't wait to be loved
I'm not a filler for your ex,
Not a showmance, while your wounds purge,
Not a way station for what comes next

I want to give love and you a chance
But you're still hung up on what's over
A past lover, who doesn't love you
We're all passing ships, misdirected,
Mixed signals and it's all for nothing
We always end up back here, my Dear,
No one's in love, no one's being loved
(And that's a pitiful shame)

When I'm gone, will you cry out my name,
Beat your chest and curse your ragged heart,
Languish as you've done for your old flame,
Who crept your nerve and kept us apart?

Somehow, I bet it won't be the same
You didn't invest yourself in me
(And Baby, that's a pitiful shame)
When I'm gone, will you cry out my name?

Hell hath no fury
But desire knows no mercy
Loyalty knows no end
Like a woman who fiercely loves
And is truly loved in return
You're turning her away
And that's a pitiful shame

© Kay Irvin

Sobriquet

Easily, you could have been my whole world
And as a ribbon,
I would have unfurled ... so deep inside

I wanted to know all the shades of you
-- Submerged, happily,...
Taken by the overwhelming tide

You would only avow me to the edge
I could only beg, helpless, on the ledge
Knowing what we should be but kept at bay
You've made it clear, reflecting my worst fear
Quelled by love's Heartbreaker, into the gray

I've watched what colors others share, bursting
-- The adoring red,
Sepia care, trusting glints of gold

Their arms entangled, exchanging glances,
Private, warm dances,
Meant for them but not for me to hold

You would only avow me to the edge
I could only beg, helpless, on the ledge
Knowing what we should be but kept at bay
You've made it clear, reflecting my worst fear
Quelled by love's Heartbreaker, into the gray

You, my Heartbreaker,...
Loveless wins, there's no prismatic array
-- Lost ... into the gray

~ Sobriquet; (nickname)
Heartbreaker

© Kay Irvin

The Belonging

Dark house, smoldering sage
Winding lanes catch blood from moonbeams
Incandescent cauldron
- that vermilion moon, wakens screams

Footsteps move stealth phantom
But voice makes behest, stalking near 
As the windows rattle,
Chiming, breaking, I feel eyes leer

This home holds many shadows
These walls keep many secrets
All doors and rooms are endless
The belonging now begins

Cold hands touch, my flesh chills
Away doubt, imprint doesn't lie
Steal my breath, seal with kiss
Darkness enfolds with hue and cry

This home holds many shadows
These walls keep many secrets
All doors and rooms are endless
The belonging now begins

(and darkness I became)
(and darkness I became)

My Beloved, come home to me
And I will welcome you with sleep
Dreams, you've not ever imagined
And deathless wed of housed mystique

(the belonging shall be)

© Kay Irvin

Cruel Love

And isn't that how it always seems to be;
About the time you start thinking, 'maybe' 
- is about the time they start backing away.

All relationships start with fire and settle some ... but not dwindle so much that an extremely tiny whimper of a spark would seem fascinating.
And especially when a relationship ends before its had a fair chance to begin.

It can cause more than heartbreak,
more accurately - damage, when people come on with intensity but don't mean it.
It isn't that hard for a person to be honest from the start and not lead another on with amorous convictions, when they lack the grit to follow through.

This is the side of love ... that's cruel

© Kay Irvin