|:| Welcome |:|

Welcome to my little, dark corner of the web.
Enjoy your stay and thank you for visiting.
I've been writing for a long time and had a website years ago
But have now decided to create a blog.

Only the more recent entries show (below)
... Please use the "Blog Archive" to the right of the first blog post,
To read more poetry/lyrics.
~ Thank you

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Fire Within

Love begins an untamed dance
Twin flames and on guarded chance
Isn't it all ... mystic-al ...
Tell me, Dear?

I'm a sage and I'm a fool 
Then, there's rage, I play it cool
Temperamental trifecta
Want, need, fear

Conundrum to the unknown
Succumbing to the unclear

Nightwish, take this hunger
Darkness, make the thunder
Blood rain, wake,... quench again
Cleanse this fire within
Those eyes and blush lips, purring
Stirring, a fire within

Images keep taunting me
Bodies nestled, symmetry
Erupt, unvesseled rapture
Captured tease

I'm a voyeur, it's unsung
Taste, on the tip of my tongue
But ungraced by your presence
Come and please

Don't lead me on; Want, need, fear
Oh, love,... fill these, come and please

Nightwish, take this hunger
Darkness, make the thunder
Blood rain, wake,... quench again
Cleanse this fire within
Those eyes and blush lips, purring
Stirring, a fire within

© Kay Irvin

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Autumn Woman

She gives you a wink with a soft smile
And you feel as though she's grabbed
something in you, some place deep inside you
- that's been sleeping for a long time
A curious magnet, drawing you, pulling you
... close to her
You're only too happy to be taken

She makes you weak
Hot, bats in the stomach, quivering weak
And you go dizzy when you think of
- how much
- how hard you've fallen in love with her
She sees through each and every facade
- that you could invent
She crumbles the walls
Any excuse to avoid her charm
... goes out the window
You're only too willing to be consumed

You would be devastated to see her cry,
... which won't be often, because she's fire
There's a flame within her ... and she burns
- Like the bursting colors of Autumn leaves

She's not the bright, bubbly, Summer girl type
- Bouncing, clubbing, laughing
Omitting a fragrance of fake bouquets,
... cheap liqueur and of stale, men's cologne,
... from the couple dozen guys
- that she flirtatiously rubbed against
Odds are;
You'd be drunk on fantasy
Getting off - on a high maintenance illusion
Puking your regret by morning
You'd only be a shiny, new toy,
... 'til your party girl tires of her plaything
And with this, you're only too sickened
... by how true you know it is

But not the Autumn Woman
- (no competition, no comparison) -
The Autumn Woman
She's not all used up and spent out
She is different
The one you would kill to keep and protect
Her flaws make her perfect
The real deal
Reclusive, resilient and beautifully dangerous
She's the kind that'll drive you mad
~ A trembling, euphoric, slow moan,
... 'Say my name' sort of madness ~
The forever love, mutual-worship lover
The fever you can't get out your head,
... because she owns your heart and soul
Intense, strong, relentless
When she looks at you,
... you're the only person in the world
And that's a powerful hook, like a spell
She dresses in black [it's her armour]
But she wears it like a gown made of night
Her lipstick kisses are like
... lovely, dark, crushed cherries
And she tastes like warm sugar
Her shy ways can turn risqué
And you really adore how that turns you on
She smells like dreams and sex and magic
In the purest form, the sweetest honesty

Her come-hither heels can bring you
- to your knees
But her tender touch lifts you to Heaven
And she cradles your insecurities,
... like an Angel, wrapping 'round you
- with black wings

© Kay Irvin

Monday, October 27, 2014


Many people remember the
exact moment in their lives,
when there was a change,
... a defragmentation

I remember the time frame

Everything changed
and my life crumbled around me
It was a steady stream of
and hurt
and a sickening heartache
It was a loss of better judgement
and a gain of rougher edges
... and sometimes a numbness
(which I've dreamt ... to escape)

I lost my identity inside other people
... people I wanted to trust
I struggled to find acceptance
But that time frame marked
the beginning of
slow goodbyes
silent tears
and overwhelming depression
(where no one knew
and no one would care if they did)

I kept
pushing myself
giving up
Those who I tried to cling to
... didn't want to hold me back
We fell apart, they slipped away

The sad, plain, damn truth is that
- too many times, I felt alone
We have to rebuild,... don't we?
- Pick up the pieces -
Make sense of it,... start over

I'm a jigsaw
whose pieces don't always fit
But I'm making the effort to try again
I've more than paid for my mistakes
And I've been tormented long enough
by those who would wish nothing more
than to stack my puzzlement with
more confusion
upon more sorrow
upon more Hell

I want to taste this life (without caveat)
- find some carefree hours of
and rest
... where I know that everything's okay
But strong with its resolution of lasting
And ... I want love that won't ever leave

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Bloody Kisses

And when I'm hanging by a thread
He comes to me, through my sleep, by my bed
His sugar ... whispers through my head
Bloody kiss and hue, as his eyes of red

Lonely nights when the breeze brings chill
Day's flitting songbirds slumber hush and still
Cobwebs vine, dew shine fragile twill
Ivy shimmers down, 'round the window sill

Silver mesh, taut as fitted sleeve
I've trusted seldom few,... hearts do deceive
Sewn into that spidery weave
- I long for love I may never believe

Just his phantom, just burning frame
Just this thread of hope that knows not a name
Bloody kisses that caress flame
But I want more than dream and endless game

© Kay Irvin

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Spirit Night

Far and wide, on the other side
- when evening touches thinnest veil
Bring light, through darkness, be our guide
All Souls and Hunter's Moon wing spell

Ancestors, teachers, seekers ... stroll
Cold skies and our windows lay bare 
Owls, wolves, creatures ... away the toll
Here,... awaits your altar and lair

These hours honour and dedicate
Though, you're remembered more than brief 
Time can't measure treasure, full spate
We welcome with sacred belief

Wisdom, come burn,... and 'merry meet'
Let not 'merry part' bow too quick
Chalices rim, sugar is sweet
'Til candles glow prim ... to last wick

© Kay Irvin

Friday, October 10, 2014


I gave birth to a child, I named, 'Lyric'
It was an intricate labor
- Induced by love, part of me
And the scalpel was a quill
The blood spilled was ink
Parchment lent to the swaddling,
... held to my bosom and heart
- A heart we shared, beats and rhythm
Love, beauty, hope, lambency and warmth
But also torment, anger, pain and darkness
Same eyes, same soul - A mirror of truth
And though my womb be empty
My dreams are full

© Kay Irvin

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Ergo (part 2)

Bridges Burn

It's not how I wanted it to be
This pain, this pain of reality
And you are so very far from me
On the other side
And the bridges burn
One by one, lighting your pride
One by one, your backs each turn
And the bridges burn

Once, gathering told a different tale
It was illusion, now fragments sail
As cinders carry, I face the vale
But my tears subside
And the bridges burn
Piece by piece reveals divide
Piece by piece, you ignite spurn
And the bridges burn

Piece by piece reveals divide
But my tears subside
Your ... 'I love yous' ... lied
Pandora's box with many a
- Jekyll and Hyde

(So, I'll be damned if I cry)
Why would I, Oh, why would I?
Your ... 'I love yous' ... lied

© Kay Irvin

Ergo (part 1)

Ergo (Prelude)

'Ergo' will be a stream of segments, here and there,
that will appear in future posts.
It's how I have or will deal with upset.
A lot of my writing is a way to vent
anger, depression and pain.
Much of my hurt and upset involves relatives.
(involved - now, past tense)
I'm sure a lot of people know what that's like.
We all have horror stories from family sufferings.
Truth can be stranger than fiction.
[back story, for this Prelude]
... and you can skip this & go to other posts, if you want
(that's cool) but it's here, if anyone wants to know or read.
A few years back, lots of relatives and
my Mother, Brother and myself lived in California.
There were times we got along but then, came a split.
Some relatives moved away and my Mother, Brother
and I moved back here, to Oklahoma
(where we were born and raised).
My Sister and I were recently 'unfriended'
on a social media site, by relatives (living nearby).
We were deleted from their lives.
We could say it was a shock but it wasn't.
When you don't feel at ease, there's a reason why.
A relative, that we don't get along with, came to visit,
with our relatives (nearby), about the same time.
A few weeks later ...
Me and mine aren't worth knowing.
Now, with the 'unfriending', my Mother, Brother,
Sister and I, obviously, aren't welcome (to their home).
And it hurts.
But we've been disappointed before.
Since, we've moved back home, we haven't been able
to go down for a visit  (to the realtives, nearby)
... But they hadn't come up to see us either.
We all said that we understood the reasons why
and my Mother, Brother and I had a visit planned
- then the 'unfriending' happened, so we're not welcome.
The 'unfriending' actually said a lot (explained a lot).
If anyone has to try to know and be friends with
a person or people (as hard as we've tried) ...
and it's not really reciprocated,
... then, that person or those people don't honestly care
and they don't want you around.
There was a pretense of care in previous times but ...
- Actions speak louder than words.
We never asked anyone to stop talking to
or stop spending time with those who we don't
get along with.
But we didn't want to be cut off either.
Well, that's exactly what happened.
Sides were chosen.
My Mother, Brother, Sister and myself
aren't part of their 'circle'.
Me and mine have been talked about and judged
and I did this or I didn't do that ...
or my Brother or Sister said something ...
On and on ... but ...
No one wanted to hear about how me and mine
were hurt or what wrong others have done.
Some relatives straight-up lied to others
about what me and mine did or didn't do ...
But no one bothered to hear us out.
They DIDN'T CARE and how they acted
painfully says - they also didn't consider us family.
Many have pointed fingers and talked in depth
about their hurt or how they were treated bad
but they fail to mention how hard feelings were
caused by the wrong things they've done.
Apparently, some can do no wrong.
But in reality, they do ...
- it's just that no one wants to admit it.
Me and mine are aware of some vile things
that were said ... but we also know how most
of them talked about each other.
Gossip knew everyone's name.
On an upbeat thought ...
Me and mine are out of the fray.
I'm sure some relatives say that me or mine have
changed or maybe,... that I'm edgy.
Gee, I can't imagine why.
['Ergo', we all have a reason why we're the way we are.]
People will always say that you've changed or some
negative equivalent when you start saying, 'No'
or start standing up for yourself and pointing out
the lies or pain that someone else has created.
No, we're not going to make all the effort.
The phone goes both ways,... so does writing & visiting,
No, we're not going to have stipulations put on
what we can or can't talk about, in any relationship.
And - No, we don't want any information about our
lives to be repeated to anyone we don't get along with.
We kind of sensed that was a problem,
... so we limited sharing.
We mind our business and don't want to know theirs.
I'm sure those who don't like us - wouldn't want to know
anything about us anyway.
So, it works out for everyone.
It's also been a bad feeling to know some may not want
it to get back to some relatives that they made an effort
to talk with us or spend time with us.
It's terrible to let someone else control who, when
or how much you want to share time with ...
And I don't know why they would go along with that
but they have.
I guess some were ashamed of knowing my Mother,
Brother, Sister and myself.
That is very sad.
I help take care of my beautiful, 84 year old Mother
and my Brother.
They have health problems & I have a lot of responsibility.
I love them and my Sister the world.
They are the only ones that truly know me and give
loyal, unconditional love.
I've been made fun of and put down for taking care of
my Mom and Brother.
Relatives have slammed me for only making time
for them but that's not true.
No, I made time for caring and loving all my relatives.
Sometimes people put others down to make
themselves feel better or to avoid their own insecurities
or to evade their own issues.

Well, for sure, they don't corner the market on health problems,
depression, financial troubles or any difficulties (in general).
I don't pretend to know all of their worries and struggles.
And they sure the Hell haven't a clue of what all me
and mine have been through.
Some relatives were often too busy, being at
each other's throats and I remember a couple of them
- wouldn't even get their Mother a cup of coffee.
They were spiteful to put me down but maybe it served
as a distraction from their own personal problems.
An exact quote: (once said to me)
"Whenever anyone talks about you,
... they all say the same thing - What A Waste!"
That will stay with me until the day I die.
There are many nieces, nephews, cousins, lots of folks
but they weren't ridiculed for what they did in their days
(work or non-work) or whether they made time for
other relatives?
Couldn't they take time from what they were doing?
Did they (ALL) try to keep in touch with everyone
(EVERYONE),... call or send a card, once in a while?
(no excuses why they couldn't or didn't)
Surely, expectations were put on them, equal
... to me and mine?
(rhetorical questions & for each, the answer is
... a resouding, 'Nope!"
Bottom line, anything that me and mine did ... to give
care or concern or love or support was spliced apart
with criticism and labeled - "Not Enough."

Still, I wish them well ...
And that's a lot more than they wished for me and mine.
What goes around, comes around.
Onward, forward ... no more!
Me and mine are focusing on other things.
I will use the depression, anger and hurt ... in the writing.
(not that I'm good at it or anything)
But it has always helped me, in the times, when I've felt
heavy-hearted and lost to some pretty, dark places.
It's been my haven.
When a bad memory becomes a stressor ...
I'll write about it (like I did in - Black Sheep, Hellions,
Wallflowers, Feeling Through the Dark, Oblivion,
Seether, No One-Nothing, Black Sun & others)
... and will (sometimes) in other future lyrics/poetry,
including - in the upcoming segments of 'Ergo.'
Family isn't made by blood and marriage alone ...
and this saying is true to the core.
The people who don't make you feel bad about yourself,
those who build you up and back you up are true family.
I am thankful for my Mother, Brother, Sister and some
other family members, friends and my online friends.
I also appreciate the supporters of my writing.
Thank you for your kindness.
Your encouragement has meant more than you
could ever imagine.
As far as my relatives, I'll be their Black Sheep,
the Wallflower and Anti-Christ.
There are a lot of outsiders like me.
We're family, unto ourselves.
We are the music makers
- and we are the dreamers of dreams.
~ Kay

'And no one really knows
... the child who comes and goes'
(from Changeling - Kay Irvin)

Credit / Copyright

Some graphics from "Glitter Graphics"
and FaceBook Shares ... used for design only
Copyright from these images belong
Respectively to their creators
If image has (c) name noted/ownership, it is left intact

Main page, header & footer background by Itkupilli
(Cute and Cool Backgrounds)

Private photograph[s], & some graphic[s]~(c) Kay Irvin
Writing/Poetry/Lyrics: © Copyright 1997 - 2015
~ All rights reserved, All rights retained ~
Poetry & Lyrical Collections of work(s)
Catalogued with the United States Copyright Office
[including: Edited, Updated and/or Alternative Versions]
Registration submission/numbers/information on file
Site/Posts/Blog/Feed content is protected by copyright laws
- Not to be used in production, compilation, distribution,
Publication, composition or utilized in any form
- No other is to claim work(s) as "their own"
- Not to be altered or edited in any way
Any use requires written authorization from Kay Irvin
(thank you)

... xox ...

Search This Blog


- - - - -