The Flowers Have Died

I made you a crown from my future
Burned my past to fight shy of compare
Gave you a garden to palace love
Braved the waywardness you chose to wear

You lamented immortal passion
A ballad-bliss with a poet's breath
But when it was right in front of you
Your indifferent heart bid its death

I would have done anything for you
And I would have draped you in flowers
What could have been - withered to nothing
You wished it away, wasted the hours
(now, the flowers have died)

I built you an altar for romance
Gilt with the splendour of early Spring
But you never placed care or keepsake
You had not an offering to bring

I would have done anything for you
And I would have draped you in flowers
What could have been - withered to nothing
You wished it away, wasted the hours
(now, the flowers have died)

Is it the Melancholy you were after ...
To speak of shattered attempts and how you've cried?
How will those words taste, knowing what you denied?
(now, the flowers have died)
(now, the flowers have died)

© Kay Irvin

Deadfall

If you walk away, don't turn back
I've had enough, given 'til it hurts
I've watched how you change and it's strange
- this stranger who only likes to flirt
(with a spiral of tragedy)

Touch and go, for so long it's been
I can't be the strong one all the time
Love is a convenience for you
- some twisted illusion, depths I climb
(wreckage, I can't take anymore)

When you're high and drinking
- that's when you start thinking,
how much I mean to you
Reality, otherwise, 
with the come down in your eyes,
warns of a deadfall on cue

You should want to be here
but it's clear, you don't want to stay
You can be next to me
but you're a million miles away

© Kay Irvin

Promises, Promises

Your schemes caused screams and lucid dreams
Restlessness forced days coursed for grief
Grace me with your presence and thence
You stole sanity like a thief

I should be grateful for the game
I should eat hateful, take the blame
  for all the broken promises,... 
  you made --
Promises, promises

Artificial, sacrificial
Cherry pick how you stick the plunge
Portray martyr, walk on water
You're diamond dealer, I'm too grunge

What miserable life of strife
How tiring, drama without gain
I leave you behind, nil I find
Crux lacks luxe, odious-sartain

I should be grateful for the game
I should eat hateful, take the blame
  for all the broken promises,... 
  you made --
Promises, promises

(broken)
Promises, promises

© Kay Irvin

Ghost Girl

I remember watching people leave
But I had thought intentions would keep
Naïveté can kill over time
Slowly, clearly, as their true stripes creep

And as a twisted vine of ivy,
black thistles of shattered trust did sweep

You promised love, embraced me with care
Then,... walked past me, like I wasn't there
(Ghost Girl) ... 'what a waste and God's mistake'
- I heard you say and I died, inside, 
crumbled with pain, world tumbled to break
(because of the lies)
(there's ghosts in my eyes)

When closeness unraveled to strangers,
heft of their shadows darkened the sky
They never knew me and I not them
How easily they let go but why?

And 'why' rings through my deadfall and stays
- Unanswered call but tears have gone dry

May my torment haunt you, all your days
(Ghost Girl) ... ghosts in her eyes return gaze

© Kay Irvin

Child of God

Your shiny crucifix hangs,
as a meaningful symbol of good
But how you look down on me,
judge and cast me off, misunderstood

You purge, bid my heart to bleed
Forget that I feel and need
Command, tongue-lash like a lightning rod
Left by your insufferable deed
But aren't we all a child of God?
You'd have me broken, kneeling with plead
But aren't we all a child of God?

You quote a book, bound in black
So soon, you condemn my dark repose
Remove love, add pain, mix well
Mind-muck, blend 'til only anger grows

You purge, bid my heart to bleed
Forget that I feel and need
Command, tongue-lash like a lightning rod
Left by your insufferable deed
But aren't we all a child of God?
You'd have me broken, kneeling with plead
But aren't we all a child of God?

Not such pious disciple
You like it too much, worshipping purge
Those dirty, little secrets
- know you're wanton Dom, whip-cracking urge

But aren't we all a child of God?
You'd have me broken, kneeling with plead
But aren't we all a child of God?

Oh, aren't we all a child of God?
Oh, aren't we all a child of God?

(and the Sub will rise up, blood red dawn)

~ side note:
I like 'The Purge' movies, so this was written
in part, from the idea of that ...
But - also from some people, once close to me,
who wear crosses, refer to the bible, prayer or a deity,
and/or attend places of fellowship.

[And I respect all religions and beliefs.
I have love for anyone who has love for me,
irregardless of religious, political, personal,
or any views]

But, as I've said, some people, once close to me, 
choose to live their lives far from their convictions 
and part-time, practicing ways.
I don't respect their lies, gossip and the lustful hurt they like to impose.
In the past, I took the brunt of some of their slams. (not anymore)
We aren't close anymore.
I wouldn't be broken.

© Kay Irvin

Oh, That Fragile Care

Care is a funny thing
Both strong and fragile, all at once
The strong care is exquisite
- meaningful and loyal
- beautiful, unconditional, undying
But,... Oh, that fragile care
The fragile care can drain you
No matter how much you love and reach
and try with some people
it seems to only trigger a progression
of them giving less and less
They're mental and emotional takers
They'll come to you, in the guise of friendship,
and string you along,
always with little glimmers of hope
that they want a closeness with you
But over time and by their actions,
you heartbreakingly find out,... they don't
They only take pieces of you
until you've got nothing left
They make you feel like nothing
The fragile care is Hell
and the people who offer it
... will only keep your mind swimming in Hell

© Kay Irvin

in my mind

Bend a lie, it's still a lie (true)
You had to teach me, what life can do

Is this what love is all about ?
Get your way or twist me, inside out

You took my heart and bled it dry
First chance you got, first stab, virgin lie

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

Deception foretold what would be
More vindictive, hurtful falsity

If it was for love,... epic fail
You only taught me long, tragic tale

String up another meat puppet
My eyes shun agenda you covet

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed 
Your - others can eat your pretty lies
Farewell, there was enough I swallowed
And in case a few ... wish I were dead
Too late, I've gone away - in my head

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed 
Your - others can eat your pretty lies
Farewell, there was enough I swallowed
And in case a few ... wish I were dead
Too late, I've gone away - in my head

Can't reach me, can't touch me, can't reach me
(in my mind)
(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed

Can't reach me, can't touch me, can't reach me
(in my mind)
(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed

© Kay Irvin

Whiplash

Push me, pull me
Love me, hate me
Bend my weary bones
To brine agony

Want me, leave me
Keep me in doubt
Twist my heart to knots
Turn me inside out

Make sure I know
You're much to fear
Put me in my place
Make hope disappear

When muscles crack
And veins criss-cross
Broken puppet parts
Will make you the boss

... Superior ...
Gauntlet, blood cuff
Snap my neck around
It's still not enough

Play with my screams
Tighten restrain
Mind pluck me to dust
You get off on pain

Cut the ropes, slice
Shove the hurt back 
Let Karma retort
Let my eyes roll black

Mirror ball view
Look what you've done
Don't whiplash regret
You did it for fun

© Kay Irvin

This was a picture prompt
in a poetry group.

- about;
People that play with someone else's emotions.
They're so focused on themselves,
they forget about someone else's
problems, feelings and point of view.
They twist love and literally leave
another person all knotted up, inside.
Yet, they seem surprised when that person leaves.
Then, they wonder why that person became numb & indifferent.
If you push someone to the point
where they don't care anymore,
don't expect them to stick around
- just to amuse you with how much
you can hurt them.
(what goes around, comes around)

Oblivion

Unseen, unheard, you have unblessed
Uncare, undo, unfeel, take back
And I, spun to numb netherworld
Chasms of fire, unloved to black

I am a ghost, most broken soul
Hard reality delivers
Only few fragments spiral down
Gyring, abysmal slivers

Low, the Hell is vexed far from blaze
Ungrace, unaccept, Stygian
Every dream bids nightmare scream
Mid mind-bending oblivion

I am a ghost, dead to your life
We unbelong, unshare, unbond
What jagged shards are memories
Unwanted, unmattering,... gone

Flames do not surge upon a lake
Heart-whole purge was fatal mistake
I am condemned, this realm won't wake
Sunless, moonless and no unbreak
(and no unbreak, and no unbreak)

© Kay Irvin

Fangs

Oh, maybe I won't name names
But I'll use two quills as fangs
Perhaps a smidge, yin and yang
Bright, white page with night, ink stain
Bloodwell drops, penned sorrows rain
Sweeter morrows, be my gain
Light and dark, come kill the pain

© Kay Irvin

Compass

Black cloud towering me
Powdering down, through my bones
What are the knowns ... for those souls
- Discerning glass houses,
Where they cunningly throw stones

Some make their own screwed-up world
Strange gravity held my compass
But I don't want to be a part
(of that existence)
Oh, with my bare hands
- Punch a hole in the atmosphere
Settle the quiet, distant star
See everyone for what they are
Have it all ... made clear
Let go ... of all those
... that don't give a damn
Hold tight to the dear
And they hold me back
(would the sky stay black?)
(would shadow cast,... disparaging?)

Unsettled, uneasy
My thoughts weave twisted branches
Turmoil, my life matches
Will my mind ever rest?
- Peace say,... what are the chances?

Some make their own screwed-up world
Strange gravity held my compass
But I don't want to be a part
(of that existence)
Oh, with my bare hands
- Punch a hole in the atmosphere
Settle the quiet, distant star
See everyone for what they are
Have it all ... made clear
Let go ... of all those
... that don't give a damn
Hold tight to the dear
And they hold me back
(would the sky stay black?)
(would shadow cast,... disparaging?)

Love, come fight for me
Hold me together
While I fall apart
Love, take confusion
- From this odyssey
Banish the cracks that threaten end

(c) Kay Irvin

Moonchild

Burnin' heart, blue fire, sapphire deep
(Still waters?) - not hardly,... but hard currents
Pressed doubt, push and pull, the climb out is steep
Spat upon a rock, empty dock, nighthawk
(Shell-shocked, through and through)

How low ... must I go,
... grieve enough, (paralyzed) - by you?
How high ... must I fly,
... leave, (the ostracized) - soar anew?
Because I'm not given the choice for belonging

Black ice eyes, wiser in reprise, yeah tense
'Cause some feel, need to slam ya down a peg
- Then say 'lighten up',... good luck finding sense
They're extreme, silence or scream, no between
(Their way or nothing)

How low ... must I go,
... grieve enough, (paralyzed) - by you?
How high ... must I fly,
... leave, (the ostracized) - soar anew?
Because I'm not given the choice for belonging

(c) Kay Irvin

Contrary

I swore I would not go back
To what once was
Love lost
Accepting a tepid rose
Only to watch it wither on the vine
There's line
I've drawn for self promises

80 to 10 m.p.h
Oh, think again
Our long conversations have ...
Come to an end
Stamina, you're not engaged
I'm contrary
And you've got nothing but lax to defend

Frustrated by defiance
Met your cool match
Love lost
Your would-be conquer has flaws
That imperfection proves to serve me well
Do tell
Challenge to your idle heart

80 to 10 m.p.h
Oh, think again
Our long conversations have ...
Come to an end
Stamina, you're not engaged
I'm contrary
And you've got nothing but lax to defend

There's settling but I won't tolerate
Boredom and vacancy, where you could try
(Goodbye ... Now, love lost ... Goodbye)

(c) Kay Irvin

A Slight Mind-Bending Experience

She knew
That he had been
Dishonest
Condescending
And cunning
(albeit secretive)
With such, very, very, bad behavior

And he knew
That she had found out
Oh, he wished for her to scream, in some, maniacal tempo
Or to breakdown, in an inconsolable state of weeping
Or slam the door, as she cursed him with her exit
He waited for anything
... to interrupt the sociopathic gaze before him

But it was a slight, mind-bending experience
She stood so very, very quiet
And he sat so very, very numb
As she slowly tilted her head and subtly grinned
In a most, unnatural way

(c) Kay Irvin

Modifying Perpetual Disintegration

Knowing you, losing myself
A little more of me disappears
Your mood lowers like a noose
My heart breaks, snaps, cracks with your rough veers
Coiled hereafter
Hangs from the rafter
Gallows keep making
You are breath-taking

I'm sick of being sickened by your sight
Your temper tantrums, anger issues, fight
Your glacial whine and misplaced fears are trite

Leaving you, gaining myself
Edgier part of me makes return
I have taken the worst from the best
You're pathetic poser, flashback churn
Break, snap, crack, I watch the gallows burn
And all the photographs burn
And all the dead flowers burn
And communications burn
Hopes and mistakes blacken (burn)

(c) Kay Irvin

Hellions

There's no pleasing everyone
It's delirium to try
(ask me why)

Sewing circles needle lies
Silvery threads had sewn my eyes
Lashes ripping, open wide
But they'll never care what's inside

The hellion and wild child lives
Through hypocrisy-laced motives
Even if you cater whims
Some would stitch you with requiems

If they can't think on their own
And self-righteous snare make their throne
Let the instigators rejoice
And beset purl seal up their voice

Hellions, rebellions, anarchy
Not trendy circle's cup of tea
There's no pleasing such snobbery
It's delirium to try
(can you see why?)
(can you see why?)

(c) Kay Irvin

Goodbye

Another midnight scream, sleepless mind, angry tears
Fevered thoughts spill out cold sweats, peace seems so unclear
Gee, I wonder why?
All I have left rattles sigh ... goodbye, my goodbye

Another singe filled dawn, bloodshot eyes, stony glare
Staring into space, disgust waits for numb ensnare
Gee, I wonder why?
All that remains stings like a razor plunging sly

Again, sniveling rumors taint the air with lie
My sanity is questioned, be it far and shy
Gee, I wonder why?
My mad grin knows a laugh, though tiring the wry

You won't miss me, shoot your mouth off about yourself
Lord knows the ammunition towers up sky high
Pain isn't worth more reply ... goodbye, my goodbye

(c) Kay Irvin

Black Sheep

The outcast, the outsider ... looking in
You're blessed, I am poison
Pushed away to beg scraps at the fringes
Sour tinges

You position yourself for gratitude
You're a dear one, subdued
Gossiping behind everyone's back
Comments crack

Strange, peculiar but snaps summon ... I'm called
You're gold, I am blackballed
I wanted to please you and you used that
Mock is chat
(spreading like wildfire)

Pretty lies ... I collected
I wanted to believe them
I filled them deep in my heart
And dressed up disappointment
Pretending your loyalty
Pretty lies ... I told myself
Divide ripped reverie apart
And I gathered splintered dreams
But everything scattered
Shattered so cruel, you're too cool
For a loser's emptiness
You made me feel like nothing
(Don't be shy, aren't you proud?)

I embrace not belonging
My acceptance screams nothing
Your excuses mean nothing
I was never good enough
And that barren, brutal truth
Is gut-wrenching nothingness

For so long, this lost soul had no reply
For so long, this reject let snide jab by
This freak at last speaks to let the pent up go
You seem surprised how much pain overflows

Hypocrisy and betrayal (you reap it)
You can keep it, I won't be hurt (anymore)
You use judgement to vent your own frustration
Reasoning via misfit vindication

I'm the wolf, raged, uncaged while you stay fenced
I'm the rock you broke your sorrows against
When you did whisper ... "What a waste, what a shame"
Damned at best is ironic, darkly name

I am the anthem of anger
Silence is dead, I rant your telltale spite
Drag your intentions to the light and out
Lift your soft rumors right up to clear shout
You're sweet, the rose red, I am wretched thorn
I am the black sheep, I will not conform

Nothingness
But I was here
(I was here)

(c) Kay Irvin