Feeling Through The Dark

Such swirling to the edge of madness
Such tense, boney hands and tortured mind
Numb and unassuming is a mask
Just a soulless darkling there to find

But all the times so repressed have torn
And a lion from the lamb is born
Feeling through the dark

Shadows cast to a 4 am wall
Contorted when the night terrors splay
Those tired, mired hands thrash like claws
Those crooked shapes scrape demons away

From all the times so repressed ... roars warn
And a lion from the lamb is born

Dark places, condescending faces
Come rushing, crushing, mocking lost hopes
Finally, once more
I am at the end of my ropes
Feeling through the dark

Oh, call down the courage
And the lion lives
Don't give up, don't give in
Ready the bold spikes
Let the fight begin
Again and again
(again and again)

(c) Kay Irvin

Epic

Say what you mean, mean what you say
Not some tomorrow, my love and sorrow
For today

Because you play with surety
Because you seem confused and hurt with deny
Because as well as I could have you, I don't
No answers why, no trust and tie
We should try
(we should try)

Say what you mean, mean what you say
Not for never, my love and harsh sever
From halfway

Because you tease all my insecurity
Because you flirt and contradict
Because perfect as you could have me, you don't
Not blissful high, not the epic
So classic
(we could be)

July breeze, wind chimes
Gliding a sultry fix for Summer nights
Autumn gilt fingers
Feeling, finding snowflakes and Christmas lights
We can cite
(we can cite)
How love's worth the fight
Tell me ... we're all right
Show me ... we're all right

(c) Kay Irvin

Black Sheep

The outcast, the outsider ... looking in
You're blessed, I am poison
Pushed away to beg scraps at the fringes
Sour tinges

You position yourself for gratitude
You're a dear one, subdued
Gossiping behind everyone's back
Comments crack

Strange, peculiar but snaps summon ... I'm called
You're gold, I am blackballed
I wanted to please you and you used that
Mock is chat
(spreading like wildfire)

Pretty lies ... I collected
I wanted to believe them
I filled them deep in my heart
And dressed up disappointment
Pretending your loyalty
Pretty lies ... I told myself
Divide ripped reverie apart
And I gathered splintered dreams
But everything scattered
Shattered so cruel, you're too cool
For a loser's emptiness
You made me feel like nothing
(Don't be shy, aren't you proud?)

I embrace not belonging
My acceptance screams nothing
Your excuses mean nothing
I was never good enough
And that barren, brutal truth
Is gut-wrenching nothingness

For so long, this lost soul had no reply
For so long, this reject let snide jab by
This freak at last speaks to let the pent up go
You seem surprised how much pain overflows

Hypocrisy and betrayal (you reap it)
You can keep it, I won't be hurt (anymore)
You use judgement to vent your own frustration
Reasoning via misfit vindication

I'm the wolf, raged, uncaged while you stay fenced
I'm the rock you broke your sorrows against
When you did whisper ... "What a waste, what a shame"
Damned at best is ironic, darkly name

I am the anthem of anger
Silence is dead, I rant your telltale spite
Drag your intentions to the light and out
Lift your soft rumors right up to clear shout
You're sweet, the rose red, I am wretched thorn
I am the black sheep, I will not conform

Nothingness
But I was here
(I was here)

(c) Kay Irvin

Gothic Victorian

Flames are on the leaves
The waters are still
Wistful presence grieves
Riddle charms surreal
Can you feel, can you feel?

There is calm before the storm
Something dies, something is born
And thunder lives
(she is)

Hazel eyes know pain
They look into you
Lightning splits the rain
And she reaches through
Believe ... do you, do you?

Nightmares chill the bone
And there's no way out
You are not alone
She's heart of the house
Do you doubt, do you doubt?

Climb up to the thirteenth stair
And she will be waiting there
She knows you are so weary
Her soft touch may seem eerie
She knows you can understand
Love is the take of her hand

And she is strangely comforting
(she is)
Dark hair, deep stare and black lace
Dark soul offering embrace
And she is strangely comforting
(she is)
The piano plays tonight
Chime tolls long, time come alight
Thirteen candles burning bright

And thunder lives
(she is)
Gothic Victorian
Sweet flesh of porcelain
(she is, she is)

(c) Kay Irvin

~ In part - for Sarah Winchester
And the Winchester Mystery House
The "13" is also for my Mother,
Born in Springtime (13th day)
Often, when I write, 13 will be mentioned
(my favorite number)
"I love you Mom and I'm thankful for you every day."

Phoenix Rising

You so kept me spinning and reeling
And it took everything I had
To hide feeling
Even though you were slowly killing me

My hands were chained, my heart was twisted
And I knew what I would have to brave
To be lifted
From heavy path and aftermath to be

I had to give and prove
I had to see it done
To know deep in my heart
Trying bled till dying
And what remained was none

Your angry voice left me quite assured
What I had to do was before me
Oh, though obscured
Ruins lay jagged and unforgiving

From ground of burnt love, I rallied nerve
To push my footsteps, fierce into flight
What I deserve
Is the chance your attempt denied living

And dust swirled
Scorched by flame
Seared with blame
But just the same
Goodbye was on the wing
Upon my leave
Upon last time I'll ever hear you call my name

Last time was the last time I'll hear you call my name
Goodbye rides on the wing
There, it will always stay
With release to my back
A new horizon bursts
Far risen from the gray

(c) Kay Irvin

The Ghosts and Autumn Tambourine

Perhaps travelers all in at twilight
Searching for leaves and bed to rest a dream
So I thought, as October's playful child
And I crept the fortress of their lit scene
Flickering candlelight and tambourine

All souls gathered round a high bonfire
They offered flowers kin the May month green
For the cool mist of the changing season
Left the briar thick but the garden lean
Petals showered down from the tambourine

Coven choir sang with arousing voices
For to the depth and all the woods between
I was so captured with rustic beauty
Nearly forgetting the eve, Halloween
A haunting sound fell from the tambourine

Dusky dance and images illusion
Filled my mind but was loving gift to glean
Starry candles illuminated peace
All Hallows stirred shadows, casting forth serene
Chanting, chanting the world and blessed be

(c) Kay Irvin

Moonlight Spirals

The velvet, black curtains now unfold
The body moves from habit of pace
All the hours have singed with their gold
The mind is dark ground, lonely and cold
Moonlight spirals some slit with its grace

The soul is void needing some fill
Heart is broken by shards of deceit
The earth and its edges seem surreal
Where denial could wander and steal
Moonlight spirals some dust to defeat

The stars sedate, all anger does rest
Weary hands lift to wipe tired pain
A hidden thaw emerges the crest
The stolid melts a secluded nest
Moonlight spirals the prelude of rain

(c) Kay Irvin

Wolf Song

New starlight glistens
Wise moon spell listens
Pack is restless and prowls
Pitch-dark unveils rise
Wild wakes midnight eyes
Illumination howls

There will be loyalty
There will be intensity
I will burn through you
And you will burn through me
Old souls will once again be
(Kindred)

Breeze carries bouquet
Closer ... circles bay
Shapeshifters throw shadows
Heartbeats stead mirror
Nearer and nearer
How deeply pulse echoes

She-wolf must find mate
Cold night must celebrate
Song will uplift its head
Breath will spray from mouths of red
And our deathless love will free
Old souls will once again be
(Kindred)

Moon spell never knows end
Timeless eyes ever suspend
Burning, glowing
Sweet blood flowing

(c) Kay Irvin

Betray

There's a shifting in the eyes
As they turn and look away
Then ... reveals a shrug of chill
When its sender schemes betray
The worst of love-breaking aim
Stabs with how the once so dear
Bends to cryptic and silence
Spineless posed and insincere

(c) Kay Irvin

Beloved

Love, if I can't find you here
Maybe on the other side
I can feel you, I sense you
Sometimes I think I hear you calling
Through nightmares
Where my fear and fight collide
Telling me to wake
Telling me ... "don't break"
Lingering the deep
I brave reckless sleep
To reach past screams, to unmask dreams
For the ghost I've wed
Beloved
Forever

Most others have settled down
Others have matched peace and fate
I can feel you, I sense you
Sometimes I think I catch your shadow
Through lost days
Where my soul searches for mate
Stirring with the trees
Stirring with the breeze
You're the only one
Sentio cor meum
Feel me with you, I am ghost too
For the haunting led
Beloved
Forever

Love, in this life or on the other side
Sentio cor meum
Semper et in aeternum
Into all time

Found within each other
Bound within each other
My love
In omne tempus
Into all time

(c) Kay Irvin

Translation (latin):
[from my understanding and as I intended, here]
Sentio cor meum - Feel my heart
Semper et in aeternum - Always and Forever
In omne tempus - Into all time

Haunting Promise

There, among the ginger, Autumn leaves
Where in cinder hues dance eerie eves
With crisp edges shadow gliding rush
Blown to your door and scattering crush
Know ... I am but a whisper away

There, amid the late, October rain
Where chill billows mist to window stain
With some formation memory holds
Inscribed reach through your slit curtain folds
Know ... I am but a whisper away

You are not mad, who dream when awake
The witching hour makes no mistake
There, as the tall clock chimes thirteenth bell
You will find the haunt that promised dwell

There, within the hazing before dawn
Where to morning envies ghostly swan
With cast drifting between gleam and gloom
You will not be alone in your room
Know ... I am but a whisper away

(c) Kay Irvin

Vow

I won't let the days or nights slip away
Without you knowing how good you make me feel
I won't let fascination spiral dive
My secret wink will lift your smile
A little mystery keeps passion real

But I won't suffocate your life
And you won't hear lament for change
Just as you are, just as I am
Higher and stronger, while some crash estranged

Be my home, be my haven
Vow, my heart, my flesh, my soul
You are the one to arouse what's weak
And vulnerable love is unique
Yet unafraid to lose control

I won't dismay with your extremities
Take me into the sublime and Hellbent
I won't damn turns or toy with threats to leave
I am addicted to your rush
You can trust that my crave is sweet torment

But I won't stone-cold ground your dreams
You won't dread a moment awake
Just as you are, just as I am
No regrets, no emptiness, no forsake

Be my home, be my haven
Vow, my heart, my flesh, my mind
You are the one that's shelter from pain
I am the one to burn through your veins
Faith and fire, consumed, entwined

Deeper and higher
Fate and fire
Deeper and higher

(c) Kay Irvin

Snare

Your warm charms so hold
Such spells are a snare
Your tells so unfold
Damned is my despair
The days turned to weeks
The weeks burned out fast
Your words flamed for keeps
Your lies snuffed its cast

There's no reason nor a rhyme
I was with you and alone
He will have to sleep sometime
And I thought ... loveless is sewn

Your weave lacks real will
Your actions fake real try
Fire teases fill
Frost is slow goodbye
Snare of ever heart
You sure cool down quick
Sweetly strings your part
Bitter stings true prick

There's no reason nor a rhyme
Stoic was mood, cold as stone
He will have to sleep sometime
And I thought ... fate is my own

(c) Kay Irvin

Rust Never Bleeds

All possible care purely concedes
Still rough are his words
Rust never bleeds
A smile teases reach, hinting need
But hard is his tone
Rust never bleeds

The cruel attraction, I always plead
My heart is a feast, his hunger feeds
He pushes embrace but pulls to be freed
He lies ... bittersweet
Rust never bleeds

He strolls the corridors of my mind
Among darkly slants his steps confine
Crushing dead flowers, embedding more seeds
He raises a brow, a stem stabs its reed

I challenge the reason bound in his creed
and stand in the numb, his voice leads
Love must be felt
Rust never bleeds

(c) Kay Irvin

Cobweb

Silver
Thread
Arms
Sleek
Sensitive
Tempting
Interlacing my throbbing heart
And
Your face
Celebrating
Then
Scattering
As I
Untangle

(c) Kay Irvin

Cinnamon

Want and need is a kiss
For you and no other
Cinnamon
And trembling, warm blood

Gossamer, shivering touch
Feel electricity
Push and pull
Spidering every vein

Cold, cruel, lonely fears
Fade, now, with covet
Reckon is here
Sure kindred, pure destiny

Want and need is a kiss
For you and no other
Hot blooded
Raw, real, awake, alive

Air-spun, endearing whisper
Flow with take and rush
Blush-hungry crave
Taste sweet, eternal love

(c) Kay Irvin

Black Candle Night

Black candle night, reflecting fire
Beckoning lives the looking glass
The willing pose, souls transpire
Curious stares chant for your cast

The witching hour melts the wicks
Imagining your direction
Your riddled presence softly pricks
A blood rose, darkly connection

More ... your green, rocking eyes
More ... your crimson hair flies
Rise this black candle night

Peculiar lair
Emerald windows
Someone taps
Someone calls
A Westerly wind carries a song
Dedicated to you
Whispering Mary

Challenging all that is shady
With pale flesh and tresses alight
What is the way of it, lady ...
On this spellbound black candle night?

(c) Kay Irvin

Diamond Dust

You're not so far away
That I can't reach and grasp
With invisible hands
I filter through your mind
Lifting, separating
Diamond dust feelings
Spark-soaked
Radiant thoughts
My fingers drenched with light
Consuming my body
With brightness I feel you
Crushed crystalline rapture

(c) Kay Irvin

Carpathia

Carriages knock atop the cobblestone
Mist rouses and horse manes wave like banners
The coach riders know I journey alone
They peer, passing gothic statues and lanterns
And as melodic hooves march on their way
The dark speaks, befallen starless display,
"Come home, Carpathia ... stay
This night, Carpathia ... stay."

Black horizons drape the October field
Streets are mazes where the candlelight shies
Shutters slumber closed and doorways are chilled
Where night birds perch, rocking prophetic eyes
And as the birds take flight to find the moon
He calls from lost depths of the darkly noon,
"Come home, Carpathia ... soon
This night, Carpathia ... soon."

(c) Kay Irvin

Autumn Cinder

Autumn cinder comes to play
And take away brightly stay
Memories now chill down
Warmth is no where to be found
The sleepy season sighs
Sunlight cries the Summer's tears

Autumn cinder brings the rain
And cools the end's after-pain
Stillness will resurrect
Peace slumbers in love's regret
Long days of burning dies
Sunlight cries the Summer's tears

(c) Kay Irvin

Firethorn

Give us a sweet goodbye
Before illusion fades to scorn
When the sunset aims sly
And our reality is torn
The rose will sleep beauty
As flames of daylight's death is born
Firethorn

Give us one last embrace
Before the garden withers stark
Blossoms will bleed with grace
As shadows rush to steal their spark
I was too close to see
Full picture always hid true mark
To the dark

I give us love and hate
It's wrapped in the pause that's worn
We opened up the gate
To grounds bound empty and forlorn
Burn and sharp intertwine
Our end befalls as brightness mourns
Firethorn

(c) Kay Irvin

Velvet Crush

Alone
We were
Mid shadow falls
And the stardust
And the moon
Were dripping light
Silvery and serene
Illumination

And the trees
Were swaying
Cool and inviting
Captivation

Your arms
Encircled
Needing me
I felt safe in your embrace
Needing you

I imagined love
As cling wove heartbeat-mesh
Black lace lined soft-crunch press
And as your breath
Warm-whispered
With
Velvet crush

(c) Kay Irvin

The Witching Hour

A wisp floats to the hallways of sticks in fragrant burn
Sublime elixir swirls every chalice turn
The velvet room glows, the chamber flickers rhapsody
Crystal patterns dip fire and circle restlessly

Silvern shapes line in rows with herbal, ageless define
Avadon kneads a cat's claw and stretches blackest shine
Time of twisting labyrinths unravel for to see
The witching hour fixate on all that truly be

Before the morning cradle the nightfall will allow
Some glimpse of random thoughts, some creation coming out
And journals will be penned with hands amazed to roam
When voices of mood echo through the catacomb

(c) Kay Irvin

Tangled

Love has been suppressed far too long
Enchanted seasons can't be wrong
I could stay tangled by your slight
But Spring blossom scent fills the night

You come and go but never see
Love aspires epiphany
I could stay tangled with regret
But Summer starlight won't forget

Love has built up to overflow
With one, slow embrace it will show
I could stay tangled to the dark
But Autumn leaves release a spark

(c) Kay Irvin

Midnight Anthems

Fairly a rustle but of pen to paper
Some lyrics
Some melodic strokes
Interrupting the silence
Slit of the curtains
As sporadic lights
Pulse
Splitting shadowy corners
Frosted glass ... a sigh's exhale
And the hours pass by
Edge of the night
Edge of the pages
Turning

The tawny will soon come
But for now
Time still slowly revolves
Through stardust

(c) Kay Irvin

Echo Bend

There's no other place more real
From where oak and honeysuckle regard
The wood's edge keeps vined with calm
But shadows deep bend secret, restless bard

Echoes lift from sleepy creeks
And drop to drift all homes with beckon slow
My love, my heart's immortal
My love, Oh how I did once love you so

The Winter sage eases tale
She spins prohpecy with her icy cast
Reckoning stirs what's jaded
She's fore sayer, reaching from each souls' past

And all the while whisper weaves
Forest is sweet but interlaced with woe
My love, you have betrayed me
My love, our destiny is death to show

The twilight fades to thunder
The night owls hush for their elusive perch
Rise a wolfen, wintry gaze
Stormy prowl of promise from pain bids search

There's no other place more real
From where dreams are captured in curio
My love, the photographs bleed
My love, it is my heart you'll never know

(c) Kay Irvin

~13 ~

I dreamt of Midnight turning to the thirteenth hour.
I dreamt of thirteen candles and thirteen, black flowers.
I walked past thirteen windows and entered the thirteenth hall,
Where a calendar, marked thirteen, suspended the wall.

Thirteen black cats perched on thirteen, high, wooden rafters.
They taunted prowling wolves with their slow, purring laughter.
Thirteen footsteps, I took, to consider this story.
The view was surreal with all its fictional glory.
But on this thirteenth slumber of the thirteenth, same dream,
Some sanely truth was offered from the madness that seem.

I heard a clock chime with thirteen, long, lingering bells
And I envied this theme with its corridors of spells.
Onward, I awoke to the reality of dawn
And the peculiar kingdom of illusion was gone.
I reckoned with each to decide the strangest of place
And found that the factual and dream parallel pace.

(c) Kay Irvin