Ergo (part 7)

Ergo (part 6)

Oh, That Fragile Care

Care is a funny thing
Both strong and fragile, all at once
The strong care is exquisite
- meaningful and loyal
- beautiful, unconditional, undying
But,... Oh, that fragile care
The fragile care can drain you
No matter how much you love and reach
and try with some people
it seems to only trigger a progression
of them giving less and less
They're mental and emotional takers
They'll come to you, in the guise of friendship,
and string you along,
always with little glimmers of hope
that they want a closeness with you
But over time and by their actions,
you heartbreakingly find out,... they don't
They only take pieces of you
until you've got nothing left
They make you feel like nothing
The fragile care is Hell
and the people who offer it
... will only keep your mind swimming in Hell

© Kay Irvin

in my mind

Bend a lie, it's still a lie (true)
You had to teach me, what life can do

Is this what love is all about ?
Get your way or twist me, inside out

You took my heart and bled it dry
First chance you got, first stab, virgin lie

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

Deception foretold what would be
More vindictive, hurtful falsity

If it was for love,... epic fail
You only taught me long, tragic tale

String up another meat puppet
My eyes shun agenda you covet

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed 
Your - others can eat your pretty lies
Farewell, there was enough I swallowed
And in case a few ... wish I were dead
Too late, I've gone away - in my head

Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
Get away, go away, get away
(in my mind)
You couldn't touch it, you never will
It's the part of me, you can't kill 

(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed 
Your - others can eat your pretty lies
Farewell, there was enough I swallowed
And in case a few ... wish I were dead
Too late, I've gone away - in my head

Can't reach me, can't touch me, can't reach me
(in my mind)
(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed

Can't reach me, can't touch me, can't reach me
(in my mind)
(in my mind),... so, rest of me followed

© Kay Irvin

Black Butterflies

The broken ... bleed for a soulship, by the by 
Hard to admit but this tumbling doesn't lie
Jagged, heart pieces dash like black butterflies
(Fluttering)
Black butterflies
Black butterflies

I take one step forward only to slip back
Leave the shadows, you're near, flitting wings of black
Black butterflies
Black butterflies

Sometimes I feel you watching me, Am I right?
Prowling affinity, every day and night
Capturing but is it imaginary?
Thoughts swirl, such a confusing menagerie

And I keep asking myself, 'What do I do?"
Need to think, match place in me that's like you - with ...
Black butterflies
Black butterflies

Pit of the stomach and from the gut, tickling
Emotional intuition, shards bursting
Black butterflies
Black butterflies

Sometimes I feel you watching me, Am I right?
Prowling affinity, every day and night
Capturing but is it imaginary?
Thoughts swirl, such a confusing menagerie

Pit of the stomach and from the gut, tickling
Emotional intuition, shards bursting
Black butterflies
Black butterflies

(Fluttering)
Black butterflies

© Kay Irvin

Whiplash

Push me, pull me
Love me, hate me
Bend my weary bones
To brine agony

Want me, leave me
Keep me in doubt
Twist my heart to knots
Turn me inside out

Make sure I know
You're much to fear
Put me in my place
Make hope disappear

When muscles crack
And veins criss-cross
Broken puppet parts
Will make you the boss

... Superior ...
Gauntlet, blood cuff
Snap my neck around
It's still not enough

Play with my screams
Tighten restrain
Mind pluck me to dust
You get off on pain

Cut the ropes, slice
Shove the hurt back 
Let Karma retort
Let my eyes roll black

Mirror ball view
Look what you've done
Don't whiplash regret
You did it for fun

© Kay Irvin

This was a picture prompt
in a poetry group.

- about;
People that play with someone else's emotions.
They're so focused on themselves,
they forget about someone else's
problems, feelings and point of view.
They twist love and literally leave
another person all knotted up, inside.
Yet, they seem surprised when that person leaves.
Then, they wonder why that person became numb & indifferent.
If you push someone to the point
where they don't care anymore,
don't expect them to stick around
- just to amuse you with how much
you can hurt them.
(what goes around, comes around)

Anthony Servante Blog: Featuring Writers

November 9, 2014
Anthony Servante featured several writers on his blog.
I'm honored to be included and be among such talented people.

I want to thank Anthony Servante for giving me the opportunity
to have some of my work be a part of his blog post.
I also want to thank Lemmy Rushmore for letting me know
about the chance to be included with the others.
Thank you both ... I appreciate your kindness.

I am listing, here, the link to Anthony Servante's Blog
and the page post of various writers, including myself.
Each writer has a Bio and two poems with photos & images.

Servante of Darkness: Horror, SF and Noir.
Words and Sounds for the Living.
http://servanteofdarkness.blogspot.com/

~ Thank you

Moon Spell

It's been so long
I've waited, while lifetimes roam
Memory strong
A moment's touch welcomes us home

Somehow, you're haunted by embers of Autumn perfume
Somewhere, I've walked through your shadow, as though distant room
The moon and stars, we'll take as sun
Kindred, old souls,... Now, we are one

Cradlesong sent
Of being afraid to drift sleep
Nightmares relent
Muse and mate have refused to keep

It's only through each other, 
passage has become clear
It's been a brutal search,
empty path, year after year
Tell me how your sunless journey's
stumbled on the same
We'll call rejection and raise 
thin hope, held steady flame

Somehow, you're haunted by embers of Autumn perfume
Somewhere, I've walked through your shadow, as though distant room
The moon and stars, we'll take as sun
Kindred, old souls,... Now, we are one

Kindred, old souls,...
feast, warmth and belonging have begun

© Kay Irvin

~ I wrote this (Moon Spell)
... to be the follow up to 'Wolf Song'
So, it could be considered ... Wolf Song II

Pinion

It's easy for you ... to breaks hearts
There's always another ... lover in the wings
Waiting for queue
Waiting to ... outdo prior flings

It's easy for you ... to break hearts
Roving eyes, prep mind game for each stepping stone
Moth to a flame
You aim,... claim they won't be alone

Then, you clip ... those beautiful wings
Then, you clip ... those beautiful wings

Promises pant from the heat of the moment
You use love as a drug, lethal and potent
They don't stand a chance and ... Baby, you know it

No doubt, turnabout is fair play
Someone new ... charming you with explicit things
Your private strip
(pinion) Clip ... those beautiful wings

Promises will pant the heat of the moment
Using lust as a drug, lethal and potent
You won't stand a chance and ... Baby, they'll know it

And they'll clip ... your beautiful wings
They will clip ... your beautiful wings
Karma kiss,... Oh, in spades, it stings
And they'll clip ... your beautiful wings
They will clip ... your beautiful wings

© Kay Irvin

Fire Within

Love begins an untamed dance
Twin flames and on guarded chance
Isn't it all ... mystic-al ...
Tell me, Dear?

I'm a sage and I'm a fool 
Then, there's rage, I play it cool
Temperamental trifecta
Want, need, fear

Conundrum to the unknown
Succumbing to the unclear

Nightwish, take this hunger
Darkness, make the thunder
Blood rain, wake,... quench again
Cleanse this fire within
Those eyes and blush lips, purring
Stirring, a fire within

Images keep taunting me
Bodies nestled, symmetry
Erupt, unvesseled rapture
Captured tease

I'm a voyeur, it's unsung
Taste, on the tip of my tongue
But ungraced by your presence
Come and please

Don't lead me on; Want, need, fear
Oh, love,... fill these, come and please

Nightwish, take this hunger
Darkness, make the thunder
Blood rain, wake,... quench again
Cleanse this fire within
Those eyes and blush lips, purring
Stirring, a fire within

© Kay Irvin

Autumn Woman

She gives you a wink with a soft smile
And you feel as though she's grabbed
something in you, some place deep inside you
- that's been sleeping for a long time
A curious magnet, drawing you, pulling you
... close to her
You're only too happy to be taken

She makes you weak
Hot, bats in the stomach, quivering weak
And you go dizzy when you think of
- how much
- how hard you've fallen in love with her
She sees through each and every facade
- that you could invent
She crumbles the walls
Any excuse to avoid her charm
... goes out the window
You're only too willing to be consumed

You would be devastated to see her cry,
... which won't be often, because she's fire
There's a flame within her ... and she burns
- Like the bursting colors of Autumn leaves

She's not the bright, bubbly, Summer girl type
- Bouncing, clubbing, laughing
Omitting a fragrance of fake bouquets,
... cheap liqueur and of stale, men's cologne,
... from the couple dozen guys
- that she flirtatiously rubbed against
Odds are;
You'd be drunk on fantasy
Getting off - on a high maintenance illusion
Puking your regret by morning
You'd only be a shiny, new toy,
... 'til your party girl tires of her plaything
And with this, you're only too sickened
... by how true you know it is

But not the Autumn Woman
- (no competition, no comparison) -
The Autumn Woman
No,...
She's not all used up and spent out
She is different
The one you would kill to keep and protect
Her flaws make her perfect
The real deal
Reclusive, resilient and beautifully dangerous
She's the kind that'll drive you mad
~ A trembling, euphoric, slow moan,
... 'Say my name' sort of madness ~
The forever love, mutual-worship lover
The fever you can't get out your head,
... because she owns your heart and soul
Intense, strong, relentless
When she looks at you,
... you're the only person in the world
And that's a powerful hook, like a spell
She dresses in black [it's her armour]
But she wears it like a gown made of night
Her lipstick kisses are like
... lovely, dark, crushed cherries
And she tastes like warm sugar
Her shy ways can turn risqué
And you really adore how that turns you on
She smells like dreams and sex and magic
In the purest form, the sweetest honesty

Her come-hither heels can bring you
- to your knees
But her tender touch lifts you to Heaven
And she cradles your insecurities,
... like an Angel, wrapping 'round you
- with black wings

© Kay Irvin

Jigsaw

Many people remember the
exact moment in their lives,
when there was a change,
... a defragmentation

I remember the time frame

Everything changed
and my life crumbled around me
It was a steady stream of
mistakes
and hurt
and a sickening heartache
It was a loss of better judgement
and a gain of rougher edges
... and sometimes a numbness
(which I've dreamt ... to escape)

I lost my identity inside other people
... people I wanted to trust
I struggled to find acceptance
But that time frame marked
the beginning of
slow goodbyes
silent tears
and overwhelming depression
(where no one knew
and no one would care if they did)

I kept
going
pushing myself
hoping
reaching
compromising
giving up
dying
Those who I tried to cling to
... didn't want to hold me back
We fell apart, they slipped away

The sad, plain, damn truth is that
- too many times, I felt alone
We have to rebuild,... don't we?
- Pick up the pieces -
Make sense of it,... start over

I'm a jigsaw
whose pieces don't always fit
But I'm making the effort to try again
I've more than paid for my mistakes
And I've been tormented long enough
by those who would wish nothing more
than to stack my puzzlement with
more confusion
upon more sorrow
upon more Hell

I want to taste this life (without caveat)
- find some carefree hours of
quiet
stillness
and rest
... where I know that everything's okay
Safe
warm
wanted
But strong with its resolution of lasting
And ... I want love that won't ever leave

Bloody Kisses

And when I'm hanging by a thread
He comes to me, through my sleep, by my bed
His sugar ... whispers through my head
Bloody kiss and hue, as his eyes of red

Lonely nights when the breeze brings chill
Day's flitting songbirds slumber hush and still
Cobwebs vine, dew shine fragile twill
Ivy shimmers down, 'round the window sill

Silver mesh, taut as fitted sleeve
I've trusted seldom few,... hearts do deceive
Sewn into that spidery weave
- I long for love I may never believe

Just his phantom, just burning frame
Just this thread of hope that knows not a name
Bloody kisses that caress flame
But I want more than dream and endless game

© Kay Irvin

Spirit Night

Far and wide, on the other side
- when evening touches thinnest veil
Bring light, through darkness, be our guide
All Souls and Hunter's Moon wing spell

Ancestors, teachers, seekers ... stroll
Cold skies and our windows lay bare 
Owls, wolves, creatures ... away the toll
Here,... awaits your altar and lair

These hours honour and dedicate
Though, you're remembered more than brief 
Time can't measure treasure, full spate
We welcome with sacred belief

Wisdom, come burn,... and 'merry meet'
Let not 'merry part' bow too quick
Chalices rim, sugar is sweet
'Til candles glow prim ... to last wick

© Kay Irvin

Ergo (part 5)

Lyric

I gave birth to a child, I named, 'Lyric'
It was an intricate labor
- Induced by love, part of me
And the scalpel was a quill
The blood spilled was ink
Parchment lent to the swaddling,
... held to my bosom and heart
- A heart we shared, beats and rhythm
Love, beauty, hope, lambency and warmth
But also torment, anger, pain and darkness
Same eyes, same soul - A mirror of truth
And though my womb be empty
My dreams are full

© Kay Irvin

Ergo (part 4)

Ergo (part 3)

Ergo (part 2)

Bridges Burn

It's not how I wanted it to be
This pain, this pain of reality
And you are so very far from me
On the other side
And the bridges burn
One by one, lighting your pride
One by one, your backs each turn
And the bridges burn

Once, gathering told a different tale
It was illusion, now fragments sail
As cinders carry, I face the vale
But my tears subside
And the bridges burn
Piece by piece reveals divide
Piece by piece, you ignite spurn
And the bridges burn

Piece by piece reveals divide
But my tears subside
Your ... 'I love yous' ... lied
Pandora's box with many a
- Jekyll and Hyde

(So, I'll be damned if I cry)
Why would I, Oh, why would I?
Your ... 'I love yous' ... lied

© Kay Irvin

Ergo (part 1)

Ergo (Prelude)

'Ergo' will be a stream of segments, here and there,
that will appear in future posts.
It's how I have or will deal with upset.
A lot of my writing is a way to vent
anger, depression and pain.
Much of my hurt and upset involves relatives.
(involved - now, past tense)
I'm sure a lot of people know what that's like.
We all have horror stories from family sufferings.
Truth can be stranger than fiction.

 

[back story, for this Prelude]

... and you can skip this & go to other posts, if you want

(that's cool) but it's here, if anyone wants to know or read.

 

A few years back, lots of relatives and
my Mother, Brother and myself lived in California.
There were times we got along but then, came a split.
Some relatives moved away and my Mother, Brother
and I moved back here, to Oklahoma
(where we were born and raised).

 

My Sister and I were recently 'unfriended'
on a social media site, by relatives (living nearby).
We were deleted from their lives.
We could say it was a shock but it wasn't.
When you don't feel at ease, there's a reason why.
A relative, that we don't get along with, came to visit,
with our relatives (nearby), about the same time.
A few weeks later ...
Me and mine aren't worth knowing.

 

Now, with the 'unfriending', my Mother, Brother,
Sister and I, obviously, aren't welcome (to their home).
And it hurts.
But we've been disappointed before.

Since, we've moved back home, we haven't been able

to go down for a visit  (to the realtives, nearby)

... But they hadn't come up to see us either.

We all said that we understood the reasons why

and my Mother, Brother and I had a visit planned

- then the 'unfriending' happened, so we're not welcome.

The 'unfriending' actually said a lot (explained a lot).
If anyone has to try to know and be friends with
a person or people (as hard as we've tried) ...
and it's not really reciprocated,
... then, that person or those people don't honestly care
and they don't want you around.
There was a pretense of care in previous times but ...
- Actions speak louder than words.

 

We never asked anyone to stop talking to
or stop spending time with those who we don't
get along with.
But we didn't want to be cut off either.
Well, that's exactly what happened.
Sides were chosen.
My Mother, Brother, Sister and myself
aren't part of their 'circle'.

 

Me and mine have been talked about and judged
and I did this or I didn't do that ...
or my Brother or Sister said something ...
On and on ... but ...
No one wanted to hear about how me and mine
were hurt or what wrong others have done.

Some relatives straight-up lied to others

about what me and mine did or didn't do ...

But no one bothered to hear us out.

They DIDN'T CARE and how they acted

painfully says - they also didn't consider us family.

Many have pointed fingers and talked in depth

about their hurt or how they were treated bad

but they fail to mention how hard feelings were

caused by the wrong things they've done.
Apparently, some can do no wrong.
But in reality, they do ...
- it's just that no one wants to admit it.
Me and mine are aware of some vile things
that were said ... but we also know how most
of them talked about each other.
Gossip knew everyone's name.
On an upbeat thought ...
Me and mine are out of the fray.

 

I'm sure some relatives say that me or mine have
changed or maybe,... that I'm edgy.
Gee, I can't imagine why.
['Ergo', we all have a reason why we're the way we are.]
People will always say that you've changed or some
negative equivalent when you start saying, 'No'
or start standing up for yourself and pointing out
the lies or pain that someone else has created.

 

No, we're not going to make all the effort.

The phone goes both ways,... so does writing & visiting,

No, we're not going to have stipulations put on
what we can or can't talk about, in any relationship.
And - No, we don't want any information about our
lives to be repeated to anyone we don't get along with.
We kind of sensed that was a problem,
... so we limited sharing.
We mind our business and don't want to know theirs.
I'm sure those who don't like us - wouldn't want to know
anything about us anyway.
So, it works out for everyone.

 

It's also been a bad feeling to know some may not want
it to get back to some relatives that they made an effort
to talk with us or spend time with us.
It's terrible to let someone else control who, when
or how much you want to share time with ...
And I don't know why they would go along with that
but they have.
I guess some were ashamed of knowing my Mother,
Brother, Sister and myself.
That is very sad.

 

I help take care of my beautiful, 84 year old Mother
and my Brother.
They have health problems & I have a lot of responsibility.
I love them and my Sister the world.
They are the only ones that truly know me and give
loyal, unconditional love.
I've been made fun of and put down for taking care of
my Mom and Brother.
Relatives have slammed me for only making time
for them but that's not true.
No, I made time for caring and loving all my relatives.
Sometimes people put others down to make
themselves feel better or to avoid their own insecurities

or to evade their own issues.

Well, for sure, they don't corner the market on health problems,
depression, financial troubles or any difficulties (in general).
I don't pretend to know all of their worries and struggles.
And they sure the Hell haven't a clue of what all me
and mine have been through.
Some relatives were often too busy, being at
each other's throats and I remember a couple of them
- wouldn't even get their Mother a cup of coffee.
They were spiteful to put me down but maybe it served
as a distraction from their own personal problems.
An exact quote: (once said to me)
"Whenever anyone talks about you,
... they all say the same thing - What A Waste!"
That will stay with me until the day I die.

 

There are many nieces, nephews, cousins, lots of folks

but they weren't ridiculed for what they did in their days

(work or non-work) or whether they made time for

other relatives?

Couldn't they take time from what they were doing?

Did they (ALL) try to keep in touch with everyone

(EVERYONE),... call or send a card, once in a while?

(no excuses why they couldn't or didn't)

Surely, expectations were put on them, equal

... to me and mine?

(rhetorical questions & for each, the answer is

... a resouding, 'Nope!"

Bottom line, anything that me and mine did ... to give

care or concern or love or support was spliced apart

with criticism and labeled - "Not Enough."

Still, I wish them well ...
And that's a lot more than they wished for me and mine.
What goes around, comes around.

 

Onward, forward ... no more!
Me and mine are focusing on other things.
I will use the depression, anger and hurt ... in the writing.
(not that I'm good at it or anything)
But it has always helped me, in the times, when I've felt
heavy-hearted and lost to some pretty, dark places.
It's been my haven.

When a bad memory becomes a stressor ...
I'll write about it (like I did in - Black Sheep, Hellions,
Wallflowers, Feeling Through the Dark, Oblivion,
Seether, No One-Nothing, Black Sun & others)
... and will (sometimes) in other future lyrics/poetry,
including - in the upcoming segments of 'Ergo.'

 

Family isn't made by blood and marriage alone ...
and this saying is true to the core.
The people who don't make you feel bad about yourself,
those who build you up and back you up are true family.

 

I am thankful for my Mother, Brother, Sister and some
other family members, friends and my online friends.
I also appreciate the supporters of my writing.
Thank you for your kindness.
Your encouragement has meant more than you
could ever imagine.

 

As far as my relatives, I'll be their Black Sheep,
the Wallflower and Anti-Christ.
There are a lot of outsiders like me.
We're family, unto ourselves.

 

We are the music makers
- and we are the dreamers of dreams.

 

~ Kay

Blood Dance

Fire, storm,... I feel it in my bones
Blood dance, awakened, rhythmic tones
And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone

Hunt moves fierce, as a wolverine
Eyes like the Jack-O, Halloween
Watching, stalking among the crowd
Hot-brooding, nearing, thundercloud

Oh, familiar, intimate vibe
Fevered, eager, ravenous tribe
Fire, storm,... I feel it, in my bones
Blood dance, pulsating music groans
And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone

Give me love ... or Baby, dreams become death
Hold me, red nectar kiss, take my darkness
Forsake the rest,... please come, make me forget
This harrowing kept, pain of loneliness

And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone
Blood dance, attraction - your touch owns
Fire, storm,... I feel it in my bones

And I don't want to be alone
And I don't want to be alone

© Kay Irvin

Cobwebs and Candyfloss

I've seen enough good to know evil
My demons have danced with my angels
Hell has flirted with heaven
Wings have been scorched
Horns have been carved into roses
My broken soul is stitched
with cobwebs and candyfloss
I question preachers that question me
I've looked within the eyes of the moral
to catch a hint of their sadistic hides
I've met sinners,
unaware of how much pure beauty they carry
My church is the woods, the trees, nature
Dirt roads keep me gritty and grounded
Rain washes me clean
Love makes me feel whole
My crucifix is heart-shaped, thorny,
draped in patina, encrusted by tears
A perfect mess
A passionate jigsaw, whose pieces
don't always fit
Night and bright, in this world
And the world in me
I play in shadows
but there's enough light to seduce
my nightmares, touching the sweet spot
with ethereal dreams,
- Until my darkness moans
Of good and evil,...
- I am, both
Aren't we all?

© Kay Irvin

* Audio Recordings of Poetry by Kay Irvin, done by Viktor Aurelius *

This is a follow-up to my previous post ...
From my interview with Viktor Aurelius.

Viktor recorded some of my poetry and did
an excellent job with his vocals and sound FX.
There are 6 poems, here, that he recorded.
(Thank you again, Viktor)

Hope you all enjoy!  xox

These are links to the actual mp3 files,
where you can listen to the poetry recordings.

'13'
http://viktoraurelius.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/13.mp3

'Necromancer'
http://viktoraurelius.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Necromancer.mp3

'Midnight Anthems'
http://viktoraurelius.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Midnight_Anthems.mp3

'Oblivion'
http://viktoraurelius.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Oblivion.mp3

'Devil Horns, Crescent Moon'
http://viktoraurelius.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Devil_Horns_Crescent_Moon.mp3

'Wolf Song'
http://viktoraurelius.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Wolf_Song.mp3

* Interview with Viktor Aurelius *

Recently, I had the pleasure of speaking with, Viktor Aurelius,

host of 'Whispers in the Dark' on 'blogtalkradio'

Viktor works very hard with co-host, Jeff Niles, and they create
some great shows to listen to, including shows about Vampires,
hauntings,... all things supernatural, creepy and fun.
Please, check him out, when you can.
http://viktoraurelius.com
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/viktoraurelius

This show was a second for the topic of 'Horror Poetry' ...
Viktor did a fantastic job on recording some of my writing,
which we talk about in the interview.
Thank you again, Viktor.

Took me a bit to get the upload, video, sound file thingy here ...
[some Blogger workarounds]
So, fingers crossed, it works ok.
I had to make the mp3 (audio) a movie with an image ...
There's one image and then it may go black
but the sound file should play.
The first part is an interview with,
Debbie Harman (a wonderful writer)
... and I come up, on part two of the show.
Hope you enjoy ... xox

Also, we all meet up, from time to time on Facebook, in a group ...
There's some very talented writers,
including Nicole Kiger, (group admin.)
- https://www.facebook.com/groups/horror.poetry/
Horror Poetry Group

Nosy Parker

Miss know-it-all strikes again
By hook or crook, make or fake
The world revolves around her
She's incapable of making a mistake
You guess, I guess, she's a ticker tape newsbreak

Her nickname's Nosy Parker
She says she hates drama scenes
Can you define irony?
Social butterfly of the spin zone careens
And tranquility is blown to smithereens

She has minions that coddle
They're cookie-cutter model
Cackle is fine honed technique
She loves to hear herself speak
Disengagement is best alleviation
Escapism holds fair justification
You guess, I guess, there's always medication

She's a shocker (Nosy Parker)
Living in a glass house
Throwing stones, throwing stones
And making use of her jawbones
She's a shocker (Nosy Parker)

© Kay Irvin

~ He or She (Nosy Parker)
We all know at least one person like this (or a few)
I know a few  :)
They sit around, getting all comfy in conversation
- Eventually bringing up this person or that person
Making some stuff up as they go along
And ... Oh, they lieeeeeee
Hashing up drama ...
(~ if not, where's the fun in that ~)
They're just truly ... miserable people
Of course, they would rather bash someone else
(~ Who cares if it's accurate ~)
It's easier to chatter up a vile potpourri of 
... blah, blah, blah [with a serving of hypocrisy]
- rather than - take a look inward, 
- minus the selective memory and self pardons -
and actually handle their own issues
[and fess up some tidbits of their lives for critique]
Hellz no! ... (their gossip is spiked, as a stake)
They want a sacrificial vampire

Seether

Ssssssss-e-ther
Poser, faux closer
Make me your bleeder
Spread slithering lies like a disease
There's eager ..... takers
Can't-think-for-themselves stakers
Name me the sacrificial vampire
Put one through my heart
Make me your bleeder
Seether
Ssssssss-e-ther

Seether
Ssssssss-e-ther
No one hit wonder
You're a repeater
Ego stroker
Provoker
Gettin' off on divide
Blame me for everything (deceiver)
Instigate and lash
Swear and scream at me, like I'm trash
... but I negate, as receiver
You never gave a damn ... about me
I'm gone
Drama on
Creature ... of habit,... it's in your nature
(your BS Mantra):
'Must be a troublemaker, hater'
Frothing at the mouth
Seether
Ssssssss-e-ther

If you think ...'it's about you'
- You have a guilty conscience
What goes around, comes around

Guilty conscience
Comes around
Guilty conscience
Comes around

Seeth for the seether
(three times bad, three times good)
Ssssssss-e-ther

Seeth for the seether
Ssssssss-e-ther

© Kay Irvin

~ and we've all known at least one person like this
(probably a few folks ... like this)
I know I have
(I can think of a few people ... real easy)
They make use of their jawbones
... What goes around, comes around

Midnight in Bordeaux

Burgundy once met with an airy, lavender eve.
Iris petals and balloons, floated an Autumn breeze.
Scarlet oak and sycamore lined sleepy, shady paths.
Ticket booths warm-welcomed crowds buzzing like honeybees,
Carnival enraptured, captured to please.
Sugar rimmed glasses, cherry jubilees.

Overarch were old posters, snapping, waving us in.
A magic man drew his wand like a sword wielding knight.
'Peek unique!', hollered out, 'There's a freakshow on the left, -
For a token, peep the showgirl, burlesque on the right, -
Step right up,... the funhouse mirrors ... won't bite!'
But height was fright, crept from a stranger's sight.

'Round I raced, footsteps chased, following my every move.
Past the corner, popgun shout, 'Win a prize!', I did go.
His painted mask led terror to imagination.
I thought,... this stranger, gone watching, stalking me,... I know.
Wicked comes sure, as crisp, maroon leaves blow.
And Fall is eerie, Midnight in Bordeaux.

'Don't be afraid, hear your fortune!', beckoned a mystic.
'Gypsy', said I, 'tell my tarot, gaze the crystal through!'
Frankincense burned, a black cat purred as the lady hissed,
'You won't meet a stranger,... But a stranger will meet you -
Onyx eyes ... with fire in the blood, anew -
Tale, legend, fable,... but it all ... be true!'

Every good thing must come to an end, 'tis honest phrase -
Tents billowed as wings, while cotton candy swirled to slack.
Ferris wheel lights went out, slowly one by one, 'til pitch,
And carousel, wild horses ran free of their track.
I saw visions that can't be taken back.
As still, chill gazed ... the stranger's eyes of black.

Always, I had wondered, what lasts beyond day's bright stay, -
Is anything immortal, when life unfolds to dust?
Such unknown, dark delights were only ever riddle.
But the unnamed gave answer mid season shades of rust.
And to this stranger's side pulled starry lust.
He magnetized me, easily to trust.

Under an alabaster moon, I sighed, 'I am home.'
The stranger's eyes rolled over red, when fed crimson kiss.
And then, whose whisper kindled my heartbeat with cradle, -
'Betray and farewells be pain you won't miss,-
Though once were tears, think not of the abyss; -
'Strigoi are kindred, born to endless bliss.'

Xiphoid, twin touch siphoned Summer unto its death.
Long after pitiful decay, some will thrive from sieve.
We're carnival monsters, nosferatu, shadow-dreams,
Time is the love, though kill know spill paired by sharpened shiv.
Bond is the blood,... this world has much to give.
Now, I with him,...each victim screams, 'They live!'

© Kay Irvin

~ About going to an Autumn carnival,
meeting a vampire and becoming one.
I wanted to do something a little different
with this poem.
The first letter of each stanza (top to bottom)
spells the word: B.O.R.D.E.A.U.X.

Jaded

We become more and more jaded
every time our fragile hearts break
And I stopped being a girl
when I became a woman

No matter what anyone says;
Innocence is truly lost over time
- Little by little and piece by piece 
of those delicate heart-dreams

To the bone-weariness happens out of 
melancholy moments 
- When you lose the love of people, one by one,
that were once (each) a brightness
in a world that can be very dark and troubling

Then, the pitch becomes companion
(a mired down restitution)
But it's something to hold on to
And we all need something to hold on to
Anything ... not to feel alone

© Kay Irvin

Candy Wrapper

I don't want a man, sugar-sweet
Making love a game,... trick, no treat

Don't flirt with the idea of having a relationship with me,
especially for the (unspoken but thought of)
selfish reasoning,... that I'll occupy your amusement
until something better crosses your path

Don't dress romance up, to the nines, using poetic sway
to reference all things delish ... 
- Then, decide to pull back, change the topic, joke off anything
even remotely serious and starve my appetite for affection
until (if/when) you make up your damn mind

Don't make me believe in us having a chance
- Then, pine about some other girl you're not over
I'm not an option for you to keep in limbo,
while you emotionally disconnect from a past partner
We all eventually mention a former boyfriend/girlfriend
but ... I don't want to hear about her,
on and on and yawn and yawn

Forget the gingeryhot, mating ritual if you only plan to
retreat when I actually call your bluff with the grit
to take you up on it

Succulent time will be a waste
If I won't ever get a taste

© Kay Irvin

Devil Horns, Crescent Moon

Close my eyes and go down the wormhole
Cobweb-cradle, lower my descent
Spidery pinpricks poison my soul
Blood's on the moon, devil horns-crescent

Subconscious honey-song drifts the tomb
I've been here before, indigo-mist
Reality torn, born from night's womb
Released,... Oh, with shock to coexist

My heavy heart misled my sleeping
Shadows play, their footsteps are racing
And as the deathly game is creeping
Elongated fingers aim, chasing

Nooses line staircases, ropes swinging
Then, coil as snakes from the bowels of Hell
Switch scene,... muted corpse-choir is singing
Slumbering horrors, I know thee well

Burning, bed covers are confining
Lucid dreaming teases reckless spell
Light is devoured, demons are dining
Slumbering horrors, I know thee well

What distorted world, time has befell
Wherein challenge spikes 'til wake meets swell
But I shall return rouge-dern, damned dwell
Slumbering horrors, I know thee well

© Kay Irvin

Windsong

There is a ballad but though a tale
Many a soul takes pause in belief
Windsong Hall ... sends resonance of wail
Aye, night breeze blows, towing with it, grief

Wormwood may thrive from the  harrowing
But death indeed lives her stately lore
Dark lullabies escape narrowing
Whereto no chalice brims of jade pour

An earthbound Angel so softly sings
Old mortar and stone enthrone namesake
'Twas blue-eyed devil that clipped her wings
Aye, steadfast threnody calls with ache

A rose garden was once blighted by blood
Beauty slain,... bane crimsoned ... pale, winsome bud
Follow the grove, past the meadow is house
Aye, she's grieving but believing in love

© Kay Irvin

Collide

I don't want meaningless, something on the side
Give intense, infatuation, never tried
Ergo, yes or go, no between, justified
Feel you burn my bones, my blood, fire deep inside
Collide ... (into me, into you) ... love-collide

Straight on, not turning away, soul unafraid
And I expect the same honesty be made
No excuses, love shouldn't struggle or fade
We lose,... if you choose rapture but then evade

Mad-magic-love,... hot, raw, real, awake, alive
Collide ... (into me, into you) ... love-collide

I'm cynical to believe, too tired to play
If you can't give it all you've got,... walk away
But please, prove me wrong (stay), please, prove me wrong (stay)
Does that ever-after exist, dare I pray?

Mad-magic-love,... hot, raw, real, awake, alive
Collide ... (into me, into you) ... love-collide

© Kay Irvin

Bloodrush

I cannot be -just- your friend
It's gone too far
My heart has invested itself to be your lover
And you have crept into my most private thoughts
However destructive, risqué, crestfallen,...dark
- You didn't turn away
And that's a turn on
I want to know all of you
I want every part of you
Not some lustsick, drama-romance rendezvous
- That swells and bursts into flames 
... then withers to ash
Let me kiss you
Kiss me back
Want me, need me
Let me be ... 'the one'
I love you
You drive me mad
Love me back 
Fury and everlasting fire
Burning
Touch me and feel my bloodrush rouse for you
I'm yours
And you belong to me

© Kay Irvin

Kalopsia

We were new, love was new
You couldn't get enough of me
I couldn't get enough of you
Effort, interaction
You were interested (briefly)
Charade, well played, laid-attraction

I was beautiful
Everything was beautiful
A beautiful lie

Change, turn, spoil, sour
Your mood sped from adore to hate 
Don't fumble excuse, kill the hour
Out of my misery
You suck the air from every room
Like a vampire (would-be)
(no mystery ... or stamina ) 

Oh, how I wanted to believe
Oh, how I wanted to believe

You were beautiful
Everything was beautiful
A beautiful lie

Someone else became exquisite
Your sudden, new, favorite high 
More beautiful than you and I  
A beautiful lie

You live a pattern of cold, flaccid imagination
Selling momentary beautification (oh, of love)
A beautiful lie

(what it takes to get someone ... is what it takes to keep them)

© Kay Irvin

Underground Love

I took reality
Swallowed it down
Wasn't workin' for me
I got lost but was found
(underground)

Fittin' in, I declined
Overrated
Dizzying ... but my mind
Isn't obligated
(sedated)

I'm such romantic dreg
Wanting your smile
Baby, you think I'll beg? 
You'll be waitin' awhile.
(beguiled)

Yes, societal shock
Yes, I could have kissed you 
With familiar, tickling nag
Lurking secret places  
Where you deny being turned on
You so know I recognized it
Causing your sleeping nerves to twitch
You liked it, too much,... Yes, the touch
Pullin' you close to my black heart
You felt your senses swell and drown
What dark temptations could have been
(Yes, unbound)
(underground)

[you wouldn't have me, unsunny kind of love]

© Kay Irvin

Hey now ...

Hey now ...
Hit a nerve, strike a chord
Did I challenge your soft underbelly?
Retort, touché, I'm bored
- Nonchalant rasp, your punch lands like jelly

Overdefensive and underendowed
Chip on your shoulder, the real you enshroud
Hey now ... somehow ...
I'll get by ... not knowing why

Hey now ...
Assuming I'm plaything
Sugar talk me, shall I play it stupid?
Mélange drama you bring
- Quiver of arrows but you're not Cupid

Feign like a selfie, meme-masochistic
I'll pass on tempt, (edit) euphemistic
Throw me to the wolves and I'll lead the pack
Your grey is prey, I'm fifty shades of black

Attitude adjustment
Karma kiss abundent
Hey now,... from me to you

© Kay Irvin

Oblivion

Unseen, unheard, you have unblessed
Uncare, undo, unfeel, take back
And I, spun to numb netherworld
Chasms of fire, unloved to black

I am a ghost, most broken soul
Hard reality delivers
Only few fragments spiral down
Gyring, abysmal slivers

Low, the Hell is vexed far from blaze
Ungrace, unaccept, Stygian
Every dream bids nightmare scream
Mid mind-bending oblivion

I am a ghost, dead to your life
We unbelong, unshare, unbond
What jagged shards are memories
Unwanted, unmattering,... gone

Flames do not surge upon a lake
Heart-whole purge was fatal mistake
I am condemned, this realm won't wake
Sunless, moonless and no unbreak
(and no unbreak, and no unbreak)

© Kay Irvin

Fangs

Oh, maybe I won't name names
But I'll use two quills as fangs
Perhaps a smidge, yin and yang
Bright, white page with night, ink stain
Bloodwell drops, penned sorrows rain
Sweeter morrows, be my gain
Light and dark, come kill the pain

© Kay Irvin